I’m leaving! Edward declared.
Whats that supposed to mean? his wife, Emily, asked, her mind still lost in the grocery list she was compiling.
Completely! he snapped.
Completely what? And what about Christmas? Emily pressed, bewildered.
Infidelities are funny only in jokes. In reality theyre grim and far from amusing. Edward walked out just before Christmas, not to some farflung land where planes never reach, but out the door of their modest terraced house on a cold December evening.
He left in his expensive leather boots, trailing the faint scent of the perfume Emily had given him for their wedding anniversary. Before that, he had spent days packing, trying to explain why she should understand and forgive himthere are even TV programmes about such melodramas. And as if destiny itself had a hand in it, he was determined.
The Christmas tree was already trimmed. Emily sat on the sofa, planning her festive outfit, the menu, and scribbling a list of supplies. They were to welcome the New Year with friends, as was the custom. The mood was on the up, as the English say on the eve of a celebration: the anticipation often outweighs the event itself.
Fiftyfiveyearold Emily had always loved the holiday, as did most of their countrymen. Yet the snow that usually blanketed the streets was becoming sparse, dulling the festive atmosphere. Still, the postNovember sales began in earnest, and Emily, ever the thrifty housewife, had already arranged all the presents. That saved not only money but also time, effort, and nerves.
Everything was ready: earrings for every sister, gifts for children, grandchildren, and even a special present for her husband. Edward had been bought a fine woollen jumper with reindeersomething hed longed for. It cost Emily merely a few pennies, but what would she not do for the man she loved?
All the parcels were wrapped, hidden, and waiting for the right moment. What would he give her? A ring? Noperhaps money, since Edward, now fiftythree, didnt have the best taste in gifts.
Then Edward startled her: Im leaving!
What about the list? Emily asked, still caught up in her thoughts.
Completely! he repeated.
What do you mean completely? And Christmas?
What Christmas, Emily? Edward sneered. When will you ever learn?
He spoke slowly, as if intellectually impaired: Im leaving you! Completely! Do you understand?
Ive fallen in love with another woman, and were expecting a child. Is that clear?
It was so clear it hurt her eyes. Emily wanted to ask, And what about me? but that would have provoked the same outrage as questioning the holiday itself.
It seemed the other woman was younger, perhaps more attractivejust the sort of better the old adage hints at. Edward boasted with a gleam in his eye that his beloved would soon bring him a son. He and Emily already had two adult daughters, so finally hed have an heir.
What to inherit, though? Edward earned less than Emily, who made more than enough to support both of their flatshare homes. He was merely a name on the lease of their twobedroom council flat; the onebedroom he owned was let out. Emily, however, chose not to add further bitterness to the mix, preferring to live in her own fantasies.
She was still reeling when Edward, with theatrical flair, recounted how they had met at a company Christmas party. Why should I tell you that? Emily asked, disgusted.
Because why not? Edward replied, eager to discuss his new love. To you its a lofty feeling; to me its a messy affair.
Emily recognised in his startled stare that he neither comprehended nor cared to hide the pain he caused. She wondered, perhaps for the first time, whether she had overestimated his intellect.
Edward vanished into a new, supposedly happy life, while Emily felt frozen, as if turned to stone on a lonely isle. She didnt scream, didnt weepnothing escaped her lips.
He left, and she lingered, staring at the unfinished shopping list. Their twentyeight years of marriage had seemed enough for a solid family: a reliable home, grown children, the usual comforts. Yet it turned out that what seemed secure was only an illusion.
On autopilot, Emily crossed Prosecco off the listEdwards favourite fizz. She then collapsed onto the settee, emptyminded, as minutes stretched into hours. Was she asleep? The room darkened. The telephone rang; a friend, Tanya, called.
What should we bring for the party? Tanya asked.
Edwards gone! Emily blurted.
Really? Hes really gone? Tanya repeated.
Did you know? Emily asked, surprised.
Everyone knew, Tanya said after a pause. He worked with Igor, didnt he?
Did you keep quiet? Emily shouted.
Yes, Tanya replied sharply. Whats left for us to do?
Both fell silent, then Emilys resolve faded.
In truth, Tanya was right. The thought of celebrating New Years with friends now felt hollow; there were only two of them, and Emily felt alone. She could not sit through the holiday by herself, so she visited her elderly mother, then, on January first, went to her daughters house where the whole family would gather.
There she announced that her husband had run off with a younger woman. Yet everyone seemed already awaretraitors, they whispered. The sting of being cuckolded was compounded by the notion that she now looked like a fallen lady.
Her spirits hit rock bottom. Early, she left the party and walked home through quiet, snowcovered streets. The city was festooned with lights, but the crowds had thinned as the night wore on. The soft fall of flakes seemed to lift her burden, however faintly.
Let them be happy, then, she thought, I wont let this ruin me. After all, many had endured worse without losing their lives. With a broken heart, life would perhaps become easier.
A year later, on the twentyninth of December, her former husband finally returned, a small knapsack slung over his shoulder and a bundle in his hands.
Good heavens Emily muttered. Did he really bring a baby?
Out loud he asked, What if I wasnt there when you opened the door?
The lock would have been turned, Edward replied.
What if I changed the locks?
You wouldnt, youre too kind, he said, then asked, Will you let him in?
Emily stepped aside; she couldnt simply turn away a man with a child. He slipped through the open door, placed the sleeping infant on the bed.
How old is he? Emily asked, flatly.
Five months, Edward answered.
And where is this young woman of yours? Have you asked the oak tree where shes hidden? Emily retorted, her mind not prepared for a strangers child in her home.
My love now has someone else, Edward murmured softly.
So, its a highbrow affair then? Emily replied dryly. Why are you here?
Dont strip him, Edward began, trying to undress the baby.
Will you accept me? Edward asked, bewildered as he removed his knapsack.
Emily thought, She overestimated him onceshes a fool now.
What about the child? she snapped. I wouldnt let you in alone, let alone with a strangers baby.
Turn back, then, Edward pleaded. I cant manage alonesorry, Emily, the devil led me astray.
The devil, eh? Thats what you call a night after a corporate party, Emily said. But when its deliberate, constant, and you hide a child, it isnt the devil.
She warned him not to blame dark forces. Take your child and go. As Zola wrote, you cant give everything; there wont be enough offal for everyone.
What if I dont leave? Edward asked suddenly.
Stay, then Ill go, Emily replied lightly. We were supposed to celebrate at Tanyas anyway. And Vadim has been offering to take you in. After the holidays Ill be gone, so you wont have me to contend with.
Dont expect me to sell the flat and split everything 5050, she added. You have no right here.
Edward hadnt expected that; he simply couldnt handle a child alone. His lover had vanished two days earlier, leaving a note that read, Dont look for me; youve grown tiresome.
He took a few days off work, then the long holiday stretch began. It turned out not to be a romance at all, and Emily, ever kind and compassionate, kept her home warm for him.
Make yourself comfortable; Ill get ready, she said as if nothing had changed.
What are you doing? Edward asked, startled.
Its my business nowIm leaving! And you, go on, change, feed, change the nappieswhat do young fathers do? Ive forgotten! Emily laughed, stepping out of the room.
Shouldnt you be joking? Edward wondered.
If not, perhaps he should go to his mothers. She may be seventyfive, but shes spry enough to look after a child for a while. Then he can find a nanny
Emily was in the bath when the front door slammed shutEdward had left, leaving a crumpled handkerchief on the bed. Did he cry? she mused with a wry smile. Better late than never.
She felt no pity for anyone, not even the cute little infant. Why should I mind? she thought, recalling that in Brazil they speak of Pedros, but here we speak of babies.
A year ago Edward hadnt cared for her at all. He simply stepped over everything and walked away, convinced it was his good fortune.
Now she thought of Vadim, who loved lasagne and disliked prosecco, while Edward preferred the opposite. Her mind centered on Vadim.
A present already lay waiting for him: the same reindeer jumper that Edward had missed the previous yearsizes matched, tastes matched; men in England love reindeer motifs.
Thus the tale of a marriage that fell apart at Christmas, the return of a lost husband with a baby, and a woman who, despite the heartache, found her own path, lives on in memory, a reminder that even the coldest winter can thaw with time.
