Enough already, Emily! James says, his voice tight. I cant live in the same flat with you like this! Youve brought this on yourself. Whos stopping you from going out? Im not keeping you locked in. Go for a walkwhats stopping you?
Emily sits by the large livingroom window, watching the autumn trees in the park outside. From the street it looks like a perfect setup: a loving husband, a baby on the way, a spacious house bought on a mortgage. Shes twentyfive, outwardly the picture of a successful young woman, yet inside a heavy, clinging sadness has settled.
That apathy began after her only shot at a professional breakthrough collapsed. Three years ago, after moving to London, Emily landed a twomonth job at a counselling centre. The promised salary turned into a total bust, and shes been down ever since. Interviews arranged through acquaintances never materialised, and a growing fear of people now follows her around.
The irony is that, with a degree in psychology, Emily has become her own most hopeless case. The education that should have opened doors now only serves as a bitter reminder of how far shes slipped from competence.
Living alone in the big house feels crushing. James, a few years older, works long hours. When Emily finally tries to share her weight, he brushes her off with irritation.
Come off it, Emily! Youre just bringing me negative vibes, he says dryly. She tries not to remind him of her presence, especially since he provides for them financially. Theres no direct money pressure, but occasional snide remarks slip through.
You never appreciate what I do, he could say, even though Emily spends almost nothing on herself.
Jamess family adds more strain. His mother never liked Emily from their first meeting. Emily, not being particularly sociable, stays out of the gossip, which only seems to annoy the motherinlaw further.
She thinks were all crooks, Emily recalls thinking back to the prewedding hustle. The motherinlaw insisted on a prenuptial agreement, demanding proof of the couples seriousness. Her relatives brought £1,200a hefty sum for a family from a rural townbut it didnt soften the attitude. Constant backhanded comments and fake politeness during visits wore Emily down.
Emilys relationship with her own father has been a disaster since childhood. Having to beg him for money even for food left a deep scar. Recently he cut her off, declaring over the phone that she isnt his daughter and that she should ask James for anything she needs.
Stop begging! he snapped. Youre married nowI dont have to support you!
Emily was too embarrassed to ask James, so she ended all contact, yet the humiliation lingered.
The pregnancy gave her a brief reprieve: the motherinlaw quieted for a while. At the same time, James started coming home even later, usually returning after dark.
I need to get out more, Emily tells herself, but the fear of strangers paralyses her. Leaving the house feels like a heroic actJames refuses to accompany her, always busy.
Things worsen with Jamess younger sister, whom Emily helped gain admission to a London university. After receiving help, the sister turned rude, snapping at Emily, calling her incompetent, or simply ignoring her as if she didnt exist.
She talks to me like Im a dog, Emilys mother complains. What did I ever do wrong? Ive always tried to help.
One evening, when James finally walks in, Emily gathers courage and sits opposite him in the living room.
I need to talk about whats happening between us, she begins quietly.
James puts his phone down.
What about, Emily? Ive had a rough day. If youre about to whine again, just stop. Im tired.
James, I cant live like this any longer. I feel completely useless.
Jamess face hardens.
Youre talking nonsense. You have everything: the house, me, a baby on the way. Whats wrong with you?
Yes, outwardly I do. But I dont feel part of any of it. Im terrified to leave the house, scared of people, cant work. This isnt lazinessits a problem.
Youre a psychologist, James smirks, the comment cutting like a blade. A cobbler without shoes, perhaps. Youve locked yourself in this corner of fear. Push past it and live like a normal person.
You dont get it. Its not fear, its alienation. After my career fell apart I lost my bearings. And your mother her attitude is unbearable.
Dont bring my mum into this. She can be harsh, I know. Shes not young, and she worries about me.
Emily forces a weak smile.
She worries well cheat her? That were not what she thought? She still doesnt believe in our marriage, I feel it. James, she thinks Im some kind of fraud.
Youre dramatising, Emily. You just need a hobby. See a friend, walk in the park, tidy the flat! I come home to a mess every night!
I have no friends here, and Im scared to go out alone! And you didnt help when you said I give you negative vibes. Do you think that gives me strength? I need support yours.
Im fed up with your constant complaints! I work to provide for you, and you just whine
Im not asking you to provide everything! James, I need your supportattention, care, at least some empathy. I feel like Im under a rug, and you make it worse.
Enough! James explodes. You act like an ungrateful brat.
Tears rise in Emilys throat, but she holds them back.
I dont feel like your wife; I feel like a servant in this house, ruining the picture of prosperity. Your sister is rude, your mother spins intrigues, and you say I give you negativity.
Maybe youre the one provoking them with your behaviour?
The conversation ends with nothing resolved. James stands and retreats to the bedroom without a word. Emily remains in the living room, realizing that pouring out her soul only cemented the wall between them. The humiliation from her father, the motherinlaws attacks, the career collapseall blend into one massive knot that now suffocates her.
The next day she decides to act. She cant change her motherinlaw or her father, but she can change how she reacts. She could shut down, retreat into a shell, and cut herself off from the world. She cant do thatnot with a baby on the way, not when she wants a better future for her child.
Emily opens her laptop and, for the first time in ages, logs into a socialmedia account. Among her contacts are old friends from the old life who might help.
Hey, Claire. I need help. Im completely lost, she messages a former classmate who runs a private practice.
Claire replies quickly, suggesting a video call. When they talk, Emily feels, for the first time in a long while, truly heard without judgment or the expectation to be grateful.
Emily, you cant help yourself while you stay isolated. Your pregnancy is stressful, and your husband he isnt a psychologist; he just doesnt know how to support you.
How do I get out of this fear of the world? I cant work, I cant even dash to the shopjust the thought of stepping outside makes me shake
Well start small. Every day, tell me how you feel, no sugarcoating. I wont abandon you.
Emily begins online sessions with Claire, working through childhood wounds tied to her father and her current state. The fear doesnt vanish overnight, but she relentlessly tries to shrink it. She finally has a calmer talk with James about the future, this time without accusations.
Im starting to work remotely. Its both therapy and my profession. I wont ask for money; Ill earn my own.
James looks surprised.
What kind of job?
A crisis centre is hiring operators. Ill talk to women in difficult situations. By listening to them, Ill help themand myself.
James shrugs.
Right, you are a psychologist. Give it a go. It cant get any worse.
Under Claires guidance, Emily slowly reshapes her life. The work brings purpose; she truly feels needed. Over time she hopes to regain the person she once was. The key is to keep her condition from affecting the baby and to pull herself out of the depression. She no longer doubts that shes in a depressive slump; she simply strives to climb out.
