**Diary Entry**
Ive tried my luck with dating apps more times than I care to admit, but its always the sameendless effort, typing away, pretending to care about their dull little problems. If only there were a way to skip the small talk, the rehearsed jokes from *Lads Mag*, the feigned intellect. Just a woman whod pick *me* without all the fuss.
“Possible?” I asked the figure of swirling grey smoke before me.
“Anythings possible,” it shrugged, its voice like crackling embers. “You summoned me, after all.”
“Good. Then add thisno spending. Not a penny. No coffee dates, no fancy pastries on my tab, no pretending to be someone Im not. Shed take me straight home, no strings.”
The creature produced a notepad, scribbling with an air of weary patience. “Anything else?”
“Rightno demands. No iPhones, no diamonds, no designer handbags. Pure, selfless devotion, like those continental women have. Abroad, they dont bat an eye if a man stays home, but here? Mooching off a woman, theyd say. Not for me.”
“Consider it done,” it said. “Though, William, youre thinking small. You could ask for morewomen like this exist without magic.”
“Fine. A homemaker, then,” I pressed. “Cooks, cleans, never nags. Always sweet, always *happy*. And no kidsthats crucial. Everyone knows women want them, not me.”
“Modest,” it mused. “No preference for looks? Most men like you end up with someone well, plain. Or older. I suppose youd prefer a university girl?”
“Oh, absolutely!” I nearly leapt. “Tall, gorgeous, flawless skinbut soft-hearted. Modern girls are all sharp edges, you know.”
“Of course,” it said, and for a moment, I swore it grinnedif smoke could grin.
I closed my eyes, lost in fantasies of effortless bliss. Thencold. Wet. A stench of rubbish and fish bones. My side throbbed. Everything loomed monstrously large. And above it all, a girls laughter, bright as wind chimes.
“Emily, look! Poor little thingthe foxes mustve got him. Im taking him home. Ill care for him, spoil him rotten!”
“Too soft, Annie,” came another voice, harsher. “What if he yowls all night? Starts chasing after strays?”
“He wont. Ill take him to the vet. Come here, sweetheart”
Delicate hands scooped me up. I tried to shoutonly a pitiful *meow* escaped.
