My brother James married six years ago, and since then, neither I nor our parents have set foot in their home. Every holiday, birthday, and family gathering inevitably takes place at our parents spacious house on the outskirts of Manchester. Mum cooks mountains of food, sets the table, and even packs Tupperware containers full of homemade meat pies and salads for James and his wife Emily to take home.
When James was newly married, Emilys birthday came around a few months later. Mum, full of enthusiasm, decided to organise a surprise. We bought a cake, picked out a lovely gift, and planned to drop by. Mum called Emily to let her know, but she responded coldly, saying she hadnt planned to celebrate. Mum, unwilling to give up, insisted, *”Well just pop in for a cup of tea and a slice of cake, love! You dont have to lift a finger!”*
In the end, we went anyway. But instead of a warm welcome, we were shockedEmily met us on the pavement, muttering something about the *”flat being a mess”* and refused to let us step inside. Stunned, we handed over the cake and gift right there in the stairwell and drove back home. Since then, Mum has hosted every celebration at her place, and weve all tried to forget that awkward moment.
Emily once told our parents bluntly, *”Youve got a big houseplenty of room for guests! We live in a one-bed flathow are we supposed to host everyone?”*
I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from snapping back. Surely, even in a small flat, you could at least invite your in-laws and your husbands sister? Its not a crowdjust three people! But we stayed quiet to keep the peace.
Now, Emily is five months pregnant. Its our parents first grandchild, and Mum is over the moon. She calls James constantly, asking how Emily is, if she needs any help. But recently, we found out Emily quit her job early in the pregnancy. Mum panicked: *”Is she unwell? Does she need my help?”*
James reassured herEmily was fine, she just wanted to *”take it easy.”* We were confused. James and Emily always lived beyond their meansdining out, holidays, designer clothes. They dont have a mortgagethe flat was inherited from Emilys grandmotherso they spent all their money on luxuries. But now, with Emily not working, their income has dropped sharply, and their usual lifestyle is in jeopardy. James tried to explain they needed to cut back, but she refuses to give up her comforts.
Emily admitted to James she quit her job because she was afraid of *”catching something at work.”* Her caution makes sense, but their budget is now stretched thin while she still expects the same expensive habits. And then, in the middle of all this, James suddenly invited us to his birthdayat their place! We and our parents were stunned. Dad even joked, *”Will we finally find out if my daughter-in-law can cook?”*
Mum was thrilled, looking forward to a cosy evening. I called Emily to sort the details, but instead of a normal chat, I got a meltdown. She sobbed into the phone, saying she didnt want us there: *”Ill have to clean the flat, cook a meal! Im pregnantits too much!”*
I tried to calm her: *”Em, it doesnt have to be fancy. Roast some potatoes, toss a salad, pop a chicken in the oventhats it. Well bring the cake. Its just five of us for dinnerwhats the issue?”*
I even suggested ordering takeaway to spare her the effort. But Emily kept whining about having to mop the floors and tidy up. I lost patience: *”Em, its a one-bed flat! Is cleaning really that impossible? Do you only clean when guests come over?”*
Finally, I gave an ultimatum: *”If you really dont want us there, we wont come. Well call James to wish him happy birthday, and thats that.”*
I told Mum, and she agreed. When we explained it to James, he exploded: *”Emily doesnt workshe sits at home all day! Cant she at least cook dinner and tidy up? Youre coming, end of! We cant afford takeaway or a cleaner, so shell have to do it herself!”*
His words hung in the air like a storm cloud. In the end, we all argued. Any excitement about James birthday vanished. The thought of enduring Emilys sulking face, her dramatic sighs and eye rollsits just not enjoyable. We shouldnt feel like unwanted guests in our own brother and sons home.
Yet it breaks our hearts to hurt James. Hes so looking forward to finally having us all together! How can we just not turn up? Its his day, and he cant help his wifes moods. Were stuckeither swallow our frustration and go, risking a miserable evening, or cancel and break his heart. The situation feels hopeless, pulling us deeper into this family rift. What do you do when love for your brother clashes with dislike for his wife? We dont have the answer, but times running outa decision has to be made.
