How Nigel Found a Woman Who Didnt Cost a Penny. But He Didnt Like It.
“You see, Ive tried dating apps, but its exhausting,” Nigel said. “Women expect messages, effort, typing until my fingers ache, listening to their dull little problems If I could skip all that, Id be grateful. Could she just pick me without chats, memorising lads mag jokes, or pretending to be clever?”
“Of course,” said the creature made of grey, acrid smoke. “Why not? You summoned me for a reason.”
“Right. And no spending money on hernot a penny. No café dates, no buying her cake that might not even pay off. No dressing up, sucking in my gut, or trying to impress. Shed take me straight home. Possible?”
The smoky figure produced a notepad and pen, jotting it all down like an obliging waiter. “Anything else?”
“Well, no demands, obviously. No iPhones, diamonds, or fur coats. Just pure, selfless lovenone of that gold-digging nonsense like you hear about. Abroad, women work while men relax at home, and no one bats an eye. Here, they call you a kept man. Skip that.”
“Consider it done,” the creature shrugged. “But Nigel, youre being modest. Women like that exist without magic. Youve got unique powerwhy not aim higher?”
“Fine. Shed be homely,” Nigel counted on his fingers. “Cooks, cleans, never nagsjust sweet and doting. And no kids. Everyone knows women want them; I dont.”
“Bold choices,” the smoke muttered. “But looks? Most blokes settle for plain, older women. Youd prefer a uni girl, yes?”
“Yes! A stunner!” Nigel nearly leaped. “Tall, slim, peach-soft skinbut kind, tender-hearted. Modern girls are so shallow.”
“Indeed,” the creature said, its grinif smoke could grinbriefly unsettling. But Nigel didnt care. Soon, *shed* find *him*.
He shut his eyes, dreaming blissfullythen woke in snow, beside a fish skeleton and sausage wrapper. His side throbbed. Everything loomed unnaturally large. A girls laughter chimed nearby.
“Emily, look! Poor little thinghurt by dogs, probably. Ill take him home! Feed him, cuddle him”
“Youre too soft,” another voice scoffed. “What if he yowls or fathers kittens?”
“He wont. Ill take him to the vet. Come here, sweetheart”
Delicate hands clutched Nigel tightly. He tried to shoutbut only a feeble meow escaped.
Sometimes, getting exactly what you wish for teaches you what you truly deserved all along.
