I never loved my wife, and Ive told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe got along well enough.
My name is Edward Whitmore, and I live in York, where memories of harder times still linger in our hearts. I never loved my wife, Charlotte, and Ive admitted it to hera bitter truth I can hardly bear. She didnt deserve it. She never made a scene, never scolded me, was always kind, attentive, almost saintly. Yet my heart stayed cold, like the winter frost on the Ouse. There was no love, and it gnawed at me.
Every morning, I woke with the same thought: to leave. I dreamed of meeting a woman whod set my soul on fire, whod leave me breathless. But fate played a cruel trick, turning everything upside down. Charlotte was comfortable as an old armchair. She kept our home immaculate, turned heads wherever she went, and friends would ask, Where did you find her, you lucky sod? I didnt know why I deserved her devotionjust an ordinary man, nothing special, yet she loved me as if I were her whole world. How was that possible?
Her love suffocated me. Worse was the thought that if I left, another man would win hersomeone more successful, handsome, wealthier, someone whod treasure what I couldnt. Imagining her in anothers arms filled me with blind rage. She was mineeven though Id never loved her. That jealousy was stronger than me, stronger than reason. But can a man spend his whole life with someone who doesnt make his heart race? I thought I could, but I was wronga storm was brewing inside me, and I couldnt hold it back.
Ill tell her tomorrow, I decided as I lay in bed. At breakfast, I mustered what little courage I had. Charlotte, sit down. We need to talk, I began, looking into her calm eyes. Of course, darlingwhat is it? she asked with her usual warmth. Imagine if we divorced. If I left, and we lived apart She laughed, as if Id made a joke. What a strange thought! Is this some game? Listen, Im serious, I cut in. Alright, fine. And? she asked, still smiling. Tell me the truthwould you find someone else if I left? She froze. Edward, whats got into you? Why think such things? Concern tightened her voice. Because I dont love you. I never have. The words struck like a blow.
Charlotte paled. What? Youre joking. I dont understand. I want to leave, but the idea of you with another man drives me mad, I said, my voice shaking. She was silent, then replied with quiet sadness: I wont find anyone better, dont worry. Go if you must. Ill stay alone. Promise? slipped out before I could stop it. Of course, she nodded, eyes steady on mine. But waitwhere would I go? I faltered. Youve nowhere to stay? she asked, surprised. No, weve always been together. Guess Ill have to stick around, I muttered, feeling the ground vanish beneath me. Dont fret, Charlotte said. After the divorce, well sell this house and buy two smaller ones. Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why? I was stunned. Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont force them to stay. Her words felt like a sentence.
Months passed. We divorced. Then rumours reached meCharlotte had lied. Shed found anothertall, confident, with a warm smile. The flat she inherited from her gran? She never even considered splitting it. I was left with nothingno home, no family, no trust in people. The betrayal cut deep, a knife in the back, and to this day, I still hear her voice: Ill stay alone. A lie. Cold, calculated, and I fell for it like a fool.
How can I trust women now? I dont know. Life with her was comfortable but hollow, and now I dont even have that. Im in a rented room, staring at the wall, replaying that conversation. Her calm, her wordsall just a mask. Friends say, Thats on you, Edward. What did you expect? Theyre right. I didnt love her, but I wanted to chain her to me like property. And she left, abandoning me to the loneliness I feared most. Maybe thats my penancefor the coldness, the selfishness, for never cherishing her heart. Now Im alone, and the silence hurts more than her leaving. What do they think of me? I dont even know whos the bigger foolme or her.
