**Diary Entry**
For years, I was my sons free babysitter and cookuntil they saw me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
*”Nina, hello! Am I interrupting?”* My daughter-in-law, Katie, chirped down the line with forced brightness.
I stirred the long-cold soup in silence. No, she wasnt interrupting. I was never too busy when they needed something.
*”Go on, Katie.”*
*”Weve got newsabsolute bombshell! Leo and I booked flights to Turkey for two weeks! All-inclusive, can you believe it? Last-minute deal!”*
I could picture itthe sea, the sun, Leo and Katie. And somewhere off-screen, their five-year-old son, Alfie. My grandson.
*”Congratulations. Im so happy for you.”* The words came out flat, lifeless, like a prescription label.
*”So, youll take Alfie, wont you? He cant go to nursery nowtheres chickenpox going round again.”*
And swimming lessonscant miss those. And the speech therapist next weekshed send me the full schedule. She spoke fast, not letting me get a word in, afraid I might think too hard and refuse. Though I never refused.
*”Katie, I was thinking of going to the cottage for a few days while the weathers nice”* Even as I said it, I didnt believe my own weak attempt.
*”The cottage?”* Her voice dripped with disbelief, as if Id announced a trip to Mars. *”Mum, honestly, priorities! Alfie needs attention, and youre worried about gardening? Were not just swanning offwe need this for our health! Sea air, vitamins!”*
I stared out at the grey patch of garden below. My sea air. My vitamins.
*”Oh, and”* she barrelled on, *”the cat foods being delivered Wednesdaypremium stuff, twelve kilos. Couriers come between ten and six, so be home, yeah? And water the plantsespecially the orchid. Shes fussy.”*
She listed my duties like they were as natural as breathing. I wasnt a personjust a function. A free, convenient add-on to their comfortable lives.
*”Alright, Katie. Of course.”*
*”Brilliant! Knew we could count on you!”* she trilled, as if shed granted me the greatest favour. *”Right, kisses, off to pack!”*
The line went dead.
I set the phone down slowly. My eyes drifted to the wall calendara red circle around next Saturday, the day of my long-overdue reunion with friends.
I took a damp cloth and wiped the mark away in one motion, like erasing another tiny piece of my own unlived life.
No anger, no resentmentjust a sticky, engulfing emptiness and one quiet, piercing question: *When will they realise Im not just a free service, but a person?*
Probably only when they see me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
Alfie arrived the next day. Leo lugged in a massive suitcase, a swim bag, and three sacks of toys, avoiding my eyes.
*”Mum, weve got to dashflights soon,”* he muttered, dumping it all in the hall.
Katie fluttered in after him, already in holiday modefloral dress, wide-brimmed hat. Her gaze swept my modest flat, assessing.
*”Nina, dont let Alfie watch too much tellyread to him instead. And go easy on sweetshes a nightmare when hes hyper.”*
She handed me a sheet folded into quarters. *”Full schedule heremeals, therapist numbers, allergy meds. Stick to it, yeah?”*
As if Id never looked after my own grandson. As if I hadnt raised him while they built their careers.
*”Katie, I know what he likes,”* I said softly.
*”Likes arent the same as diet,”* she snapped. *”Alfie, be good for Granny! Well bring you back a massive toy car!”*
They left in a cloud of expensive perfume and cold air.
Alfie cried for three days straight. Swimming lessons across town, speech therapy on the other side. Tantrums, night-time sobs, endless *”I want Mummy.”* I was exhausted.
On day four, I called Leo. Theyd just checked into their hotel.
*”Mum? Everything alright? Alfie okay?”* His voice was tight.
*”Alfies fine. Leo I cant do this. Its too much. Could you hire a nanny for a few hours a day? Ill pay half.”*
Silence. Then a sigh.
*”Mum, dont start. We just got here. Katies stressed enough. Whod we trust? Youre his grandmotherthis should be a joy.”*
*”Joy doesnt erase fatigue. Im not getting younger.”*
*”Youre just out of practice,”* he insisted. *”Youll adjust. Lets not ruin this for each other. We never get away. Gotta goKaties calling.”*
The line died. I stared at the phone, something inside me hardening. Not anger.
Just cold, clear realisation. To him, I wasnt Mumjust a resource. Reliable, tested, and, above all, free.
Wednesday brought the cat foodtwelve kilos dumped on the doorstep by a disinterested courier. I wrestled it inside, straining my back, then sat beside the fishy-smelling sack and laughed silently.
That evening, Katie called, sea waves and music in the background.
*”Nina! You watered my orchid, yeah? Distilled water, remember? Not the leavesthe roots!”*
No *”Hows Alfie?”* No *”How are you?”* Just the orchid.
*”I remember, Katie. Its fine,”* I said, eyeing the damned cat food.
That night, I barely slept. Not thinking of the cottage or my cancelled plansjust my old savings book and passport, tracing my fingers over the cover.
The thought Id had after Leos call wasnt just a fantasy anymore. It was taking shape. A plan.
Leo rang again on day ten, just as Id got Alfie down.
*”Mum! Hows our little warrior?”*
*”Asleep,”* I said flatly.
*”Listen we love it here. The hotels offering a discount if we stay another week. Amazing, right?”*
I knew what was coming.
*”Thing is were a bit short. Mum, could you?”* His voice turned wheedling. *”Those sapphire earrings Dad gave youyou never wear them. Pawn them? Well buy them back! Swear!”*
*”What exactly are you asking, Leo?”* My voice was eerily calm.
*”Just take them to the pawnshop! Theyll fetch a decent sum. Its just stuff sitting in a drawer!”*
Katies voice cut in. *”Leo, stop waffling! Nina, theyre just things! We deserve this!”*
*Just things.* My memories. My family. My life. Something inside me frozenot shattered, just crystallised into icy resolve.
*”Fine,”* I said. *”How much?”*
*”Youre a star! Fifty grand should cover it. Send a photo of the receipt, yeah?”*
*”Of course, Leo. Enjoy your holiday.”*
I hung up, then peeked into Alfies room. He was asleep, lips puckering. My sweet, unwanted boy.
The ice in my chest cracked. I couldnt abandon himbut I couldnt go on like this either.
I texted Leo: *”Im not pawning the earrings. You return on Sunday as booked. If youre not back, Im calling social services on Monday. No discussion.”*
His reply was instant: *”Are you THREATENING us?”*
I didnt answer. I opened the airline site and booked a ticket. Antalya. One-way. Departing Tuesday.
They stormed in on Sunday eveningtanned, furious, and deeply offended.
*”Happy now?”* Katie hissed. *”You ruined our best holiday ever! Manipulative cow!”*
Leo marched past to Alfie, who flung himself into his arms.
I stepped out from the kitchen, holding my passport with the ticket inside. Calm.
*”Im glad youre back for your son,”* I said quietly. *”Now listen. Both of you.”*
They fell silent, startled by my tone.
*”Five years, Leo. Five years Ive been your shadow.”*
I listed it allthe nursery pickups, the sleepless nights, the sacrifices.
