I remember it as if it were yesterday, though it happened long ago. The weight of his words still lingers in my mind: “I dont even want to marry because of it. I dont trust women! And youdont you dare wreck your family over some foolishness, you hear me?”
I had just finished my scrambled eggs and was sipping the last of my coffee when my wife, flushed and uneasy, asked the question that had been burning inside her:
“Are you seeing another woman?”
“What makes you think”
“Dont lie to me, James. Just tell me the truth.”
Now it was my turn to reddensomething that rarely happened to me, only when I couldnt bear to speak the truth yet refused to lie.
“You dont have to say anything. I already know.”
Stung, I bolted outside. The whole workday passed in a haze of nerves and self-loathing. The situation had thrown me off balance, forcing a decision I wasnt ready to make. I couldnt lie to my wifeshe meant too much to me.
Yes, there was another woman. Young, beautiful, dazzlingyou might smirkmy head turned, nothing left but reckless impulse, surging through me like a flood.
But youd be wrong. She wasnt younger or lovelier than my wife. She was someone from my pasta schoolmate. My first, unrequited love. An unfinished chapter, as they say. Wed crossed paths again by chance.
“Jimmy, is that you? My, how youve changed. A proper London dandy now!”
I froze. There she stoodChristinewith that mocking smile of hers.
For a moment, I just stood there like a fool, awkward as ever. She looked me up and down, my old tormentor (shed teased me mercilessly in school, with nicknames that stuckJimmy being the kindest of them).
“Come on, lets grab a coffee. Catch up. A mini reunion. Theres another old friend of ours coming tooshes just finishing shopping.”
Before I could reply, she emerged from the shopSusanna. Fair-haired, delicate, ethereal. She smiled when she saw me.
“James Whitmore, is that really you?” Her voice, melodious and painfully familiar, sent a lump to my throat. “How many years has it been?”
I could only smile in return, stunned.
Of course, I took them to a café. We talked, laughed, reminisced. The next day, unable to resist, I met Susanna after work.
She wasnt surprisedas if shed expected it. We sat in the café again, just the two of us, and then well, I ended up at her place. And just like that, I was gone.
For six months, I lived in two worlds. Onemy family: my children, William and little Emily, whom I adored, and my wife, whom I had loved and still loved.
Yes, still loved. The love hadnt vanishedit had just dimmed, buried under routine.
The other world was Susannaa surge of emotions, the thrill of possession, passion. If I could, Id have gladly shuttled between the two forever. Which was why, when my wife uncovered the truth so abruptly, I was entirely unprepared.
By the end of that day, only one thought remained: I needed a pause. A real onenot just for one or the other. Time to think, to choose.
I was about to call my wife, Margaret, but she beat me to it.
“James, the children and I will stay with my parents for a while. I need time to think,” she said, her voice steady. “Just promise me one thingstay in touch with William and Emily. They love you, and I dont want them hurt before its necessary.”
More bewildered than ever, I went home. Id imagined making the decision myselfnever considering that Margaret might make one of her own, and not in my favor. But she had every right.
For days, I thought of Susanna (so fresh, so vivid) and Margaret (my wife). I remembered only the good, unwilling to lose either.
Then, for reasons I still dont understand, I called my old school friend Gregory. Wed been closethrough school, even served in the army together. Years ago, wed both been smitten with Susanna to no avail. Maybe thats why I rang him.
We agreed to meet. I invited him overit was pouring outside, and no pub was worth braving the rain. Gregory was unmarried, still living with his parents, while I was temporarily unattached.
After work, I stopped at the shop, picked up some sausages, frozen dumplings, and a bottle of whiskey (what else do men need?), then headed home to wait.
“Nice place youve got here! Cosy! Good for you, mate,” Gregory said, shaking my hand, his eyes scanning the room. “Whens it my turn to settle down? Your wife doesnt happen to have any single friends, does she?”
We moved to the kitchen. Id already set the table, plates and forks laid out, the dumplings boiling.
“Wheres Margaret?” Gregory frowned. “Wanted to pay my respects. You didnt say youd be alone! I even brought cake and chocolates”
“Dont worry, well eat them. Theyre at her parents just for a bit. Come on, lets have a drink.”
We drank. Then drank some more.
Only then did I tell him about Susannathe whirlwind affair, the passion, the mess I was in. Gregory was silent for a long time, which wasnt like him.
“Why so quiet? You fancied Susanna too. Or still do?”
“No, nothing like that! Not now, definitely not,” he laughed, but it sounded forced. “Listen, mateyou dont want this. Trust me.”
“And whys that?” I snapped. “She never gave either of us the time of day back then. If youve got some tawdry gossip, I dont want to hear it!”
“I lived with her for six months, James,” Gregory said wearily. “She was already divorced by then. Know who her husband was? Neil Parkerremember him?”
“Parker? No idea. She mentioned being divorced, but not who shed married. Waitshe did pay him attention, now that I think of it. I nearly had it out with him once.”
“Should I go on?”
“Mate, you started this. Finish it.”
I sobered up fast, dreading what was coming.
“Unlike you, I didnt just stare at herI wrote notes, carried her books when she let me, even cornered her in the stairwell a few times. No luck.”
“She wanted Parker. He was out of my leagueout of both of ours. Parker had his pick of girls. Susanna fought for him like we fought for her.”
“They marriedthe golden couple. Lived well, or so it seemed. Until Susanna started nagging him about money.”
“Didnt want to live with his mum, wanted their own flat, furniture, all of it. So off he wentworking construction in Europe, fixing up old cars. Brought back decent money. But on his last trip, he crashed. Badly.”
“Every penny hed earned went into putting him back together. Ill give her thisshe stood by him. Got him back on his feet. Then suddenly, she had a new flat. Left him.”
Gregory took a swig.
“Then we accidentally met. Or was it an accident? I was leaving work, and there she waswith Christine. Remember her? No idea what they were doing there, it wasnt exactly a shopping district”
“We had coffee. Then well, you know the rest. I was over the moon! Ready to propose! Then she tells me shes off for two weeksbusiness trip to Manchester. Like a fool, I believed her.”
“She came back with a Mediterranean tan. When I asked, she said, Oh, it was so dreary thereI just hit the tanning salon and spa in my free time.”
“Jealousy got the better of me. I started following her, especially when shed cancel on me last minute.”
“And what do you knowI caught her. A flashy jeep pulls up, and out she steps. Not alonewith some old bloke, sixty if he was a day. I lost it. Charged at himtook three blokes to pull me off.”
“Nearly went to prison for it. Turns out the old git was some bigwig. Only got off because he couldnt afford the scandalnot with his mistress and the flat hed bought her”
Gregory exhaled.
“Thats my story. Parker could tell you more.”
He didnt seem keen to stay. I didnt stop him, but I walked him out.
“Thats why I dont marry. Dont trust women! And youdon
