Olivia, why dont you seem happy to see me? her mother-in-law demanded, hands on her hips, announcing her plan to move in with the young couple while her flat underwent renovations.
And I cant say how long itll takemaybe a month, maybe six! Renovations are unpredictable, no need to rush.
Olivia had spent months convincing her husband, James, to live separately from his parents. At first, hed refused outright. Whats the problem, Liv? hed argued. Weve got our own room, no one bothers us. Why waste money on rent?
James, are you really fine with this? Your mother has no boundaries! Yesterday, she barged into the bathroom while I was showering, yanked the curtain open, and shouted, As if Ive never seen it before!
James just laughed. Thats just how Mum is. Shes lived alone so long, she forgets to knock.
Just wait, hed promised. The sale of my flat should finalise soonbuyers needed a couple of months to gather the funds. Once its done, well add your parents gift and move out. Why rent now?
Olivia endured it. Margaret Woodley was indeed relentlessalways speaking before thinking. Olivia, love, you could stand to lose a few pounds, shed remark over breakfast. Those hipsnot flattering. When I married, I weighed barely seven stone. Jamess father could span my waist with his hands!
Olivia bit her tongue. *What made you both balloon, then?* she thought. *Honestly, does she enjoy needling me? God, just let us move already.*
The flat sold, and they bought a new one. Olivia wept with relief as they leftfinally, freedom. But peace was short-lived. Margaret, missing her son, began dropping by unannounced.
James, pleasejust one weekend without your mother? Olivia begged. I cant take her chatter. After three hours, my ears ache! She never just talks *at* meshe demands responses!
Liv, what dyou expect? Should I open the door and say, Lovely seeing you, bye? Shes my *mum*. Were all each others got.
When Olivia became pregnant, Margaret redoubled her efforts. With time to spare, she shadowed Oliviashopping, doctors visits, even inviting herself to the ultrasound. Thats my grandchild! shed crow. Print an extra scanI want one for my mantle!
Before the birth, Olivia mustered courage. Margaret, I know you mean well, but pleaseno unsolicited advice on raising my child. I wont tolerate it.
Margaret sulked but held her tongue.
When baby Emily arrived, Margaret gathered distant relatives and descended unannounced. The exhausted new parents were asleep.
Knew it, Margaret muttered, squeezing into the hallway with bags of groceries. Told you, Maureenshouldve shopped first! They werent expecting us.
Mum, a *warning*? James groaned. Wholl cook? Normal people *plan* these things!
Dont backchat, Margaret snapped. Well handle dinner. Wheres Olivia?
Resting. Hospital sleeps rubbish. And *please* keep quietEmilys asleep too.
Four years in, Olivia had endured enough. Then came the renovation bombshell.
James, darling, Margaret announced, my flats ghastlythose faded wallpapers depress me! Find me a builder.
Fine, Mum. Why now?
High time! Decades without a refresh. Ill stay with you during the work. Move that kitchen sofa into Emilys roomIll bunk with her.
Olivia nearly fainted. Why *us*? Lets rent her a placeIll pay!
Suggest that, and shell never forgive me. Its just a few weeks.
Two months passed. Mum found flaws, James sighed. Says the paints the wrong shade. Made them redo it.
Shes stalling! Olivia cried. Shes living the high lifeorders breakfast, lounges in the shower, phones for *hours*, then critiques my cooking! Ill *lose* it, James!
Hang in, love. Im exhausted too. But we cant kick her out.
Margaret, comfortably ensconced, had no plans to leave.
Then, inspiration struck.
You should *worship* me, Olivia, Margaret boasted. Im a saint of a mother-in-law! My own? A *nightmare*. Couldnt stand her.
Olivia brightened. *Of course!* The only check on Margaret? *Her* mother-in-law.
She rang Edith Holloway. Edith, Im desperate. Margarets overstayed by *months*. James even eats fried eggs nowhe *hates* them!
Oddhed gag at the yolk as a boy.
He does it because *she* says so!
Right. Ill come. My sonll drive me. Heavy artillerys en route.
Margaret, blissfully unaware, was mid-lecture when the doorbell rang.
Whos *this*? she scowled. Entertaining without James? Ill *tell* him! She flung the door openand froze.
Maggie, *you*? Edith tutted. Age hasnt been kind. Smart of my son to leave. Hes your age but *far* better preserved. FunnyI just passed a dumpster and saw a coat like the one you wore visiting me. *Trashy* then, trashy now.
Margaret paled.
Well? Move, statue! Take this cakeIll hang my coat. Put the kettle on, lazybones. And *really*that waistline? No cake for *you*.
Within the hour, Margaret fled, tossing clothes into a suitcase. Ill *oversee* the renovation, she snapped. Workers are *slacking*!
Olivia grinned. Edith, youre a saviour.
Maggies always been a leechonce latched on, never lets go. Now, teathen Im off. My sons picking me up.
Margaret eventually guessed Olivias ploy. She stayed away for months, then returned*with* advance notice.
Olivia remained grateful to Edith, whod salvaged their family.
**Lifes lesson:** Sometimes, the only way to handle a force of nature is to summon a greater one. Choose your battlesand your allieswisely.
