**Diary Entry 25th May**
My in-laws left my mum to foot the bill at the restaurantbut she had a brilliant revenge plan.
For years, my husbands parents have acted as though paying their share was beneath them, like it might somehow tarnish their precious “reputation.” Every family meal turned into the same absurd performancepatting their pockets, feigning surprise, and swearing theyd left their wallets at home. At first, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But soon, the truth was obvious: pure greed. They just assumed the “less well-off” would cover them.
Not my mum, though. She doesnt fall for tricks like that. She doesnt carry designer handbags or wear flashy jewellery, but shes sharp, proud, and wont be bullied by people who think money makes them superior.
Still, their habit drove me madevery time we dined out, theyd vanish before the bill arrived.
Theyve done it again, I complained to my husband, Oliver, after his parents slipped out while he was in the loo, leaving us with a £250 tab. Your dad actually pretended to take a phone call!
Oliver sighed and pulled out his card. I know, love. Theyve always been like this.
But theyve got more money than sense! Your mums handbag costs more than our rent!
Ive tried talking to them. To them, its nothingso they dont see the problem.
It became routineposh meals, fine wines, and the same tired excuses.
Oh dear, Ive forgotten my purse! his mother would gasp, patting her designer clutch.
Urgent call, his father would mutter, bolting for the door.
Even Olivers brother, Harry, and his wife, Emily, had mastered the family tradition, disappearing like clockwork when the bill came.
No one dared call them outnot friends theyd stiffed, nor colleagues who whispered about it later.
Then came the invitation.
Mum wants her 60th at that posh Italian place in Chelsea, Oliver said one evening. Whole familys invited.
When? I asked, already feeling my purse tighten.
Next Friday. Good newswell be away for our anniversary in Spain. But since we cant make it, theyve asked your mum.
I froze. My mum? Why?
Says she wants to get to know her better.
I knew instantlyit was a trap. My mother-in-law had never shown interest in Mum before. Quite the oppositeshed often implied they had nothing in common. It was too obvious.
But I couldnt stop itour trip had been booked for months.
Ill warn her, I said, grabbing my phone.
Mum answered on the third ring. Hello, love! How are you?
Mum, Olivers parents want you at his mums birthday dinner
Yes! She texted earlier. Im looking forward to it!
My stomach dropped. Mum, I need to explain something about them
I spilled everythingtheir vanishing acts, the unpaid bills. I was fuming just recounting it.
But Mum just laughed. Oh, love, dont fret.
Mum, Im serious. Theyll order the most expensive things and disappear.
Dont worry, she said calmly. Your trip matters. A birthdays once a year. Ill go.
But
Ill handle it.
I hung up and turned to Oliver. She didnt believe me. Shes walking right into it.
Maybe theyll behave this time, he said weakly. It is her birthday.
We exchanged a look. Both of us knew better.
On the night, we were already settled in our Spanish villa. I kept checking my phone, expecting a frantic call. Nothing.
Next morning, a single text: *Lovely evening. Call when youre back.*
By Sunday, I couldnt wait any longer. Well? I blurted before even saying hello. What happened?
It was interesting, Mum began.
Just as predictedmy in-laws arrived like royalty. Best table, garden view, live pianist. They ordered everythingstarters, vintage wines, wagyu steak with gold leaf.
And you?
Just pasta and water. Wasnt hungry. Clever girl. Minimising the damage.
Then?
The bill came. The usual actyour mother-in-law forgot her purse. Father-in-law claimed his wallet was in the car. Harry got a call from the nanny. One by one, they vanished. Left me with a £1,200 tab.
Mum! You didnt pay?!
Of course not, she said smoothly. I ordered dessert.
WHAT?
Chocolate fondant. And the most expensive port. The waiter raised an eyebrow, but I just smiled. Were celebrating.
I was stunned. But if you didnt pay, and they lefthow did it end?
I asked for the manager. Remember Robbie?
Robbie? Your old student?
The very one. Used to bring me apples every morning. Now owns three restaurants.
Mum taught for 30 yearshalf of Londons successful sorts had passed through her classroom.
We had a chat. He laughed when I explained.
I braced myself.
Robbie called your in-laws. Very politely informed them theyd forgotten to pay. Asked them to returnor hed have to involve the police.
He said that?!
On speakerphone. Your father-in-law stammered about a cashpoint. Robbie just said, Lovely. Well wait.
They came back?
Like scalded cats! Mum cackled. Your mother-in-law was sheet-white. What could they say? Caught red-handed.
And the bill?
Robbie added 25% for inconvenience. Just over £1,500.
I howled with laughter. Mum, you legend!
Best bit? This morning, your mother-in-law rang. Just to say, we *always* pay our share.
The nerve!
Some folk only learn when it costs them, Mum said. Reckon that lesson was pricey.
And it was.
Months later, miracles unfolded. My mother-in-law now announces loudly at every meal:
Separate bills, please!
Waiters nod, bewildered. Oliver and I just share a knowing glance.
*Some people only respect fairness when its forced on them.*
