**Diary Entry 12th June**
My husbands parents left my mum to foot the bill at the restaurantbut she had a brilliant plan for revenge.
Theyve always seen paying as beneath them, as if it might tarnish their precious “reputation.” Every family dinner was the same ridiculous charade: patting their pockets, feigning surprise, swearing theyd forgotten their wallets. At first, I chalked it up to forgetfulness. But soon, it was obvioussheer greed. They just assumed the “less fortunate” would cover them.
Not my mum, though. She doesnt fall for that. No designer handbags or flashy jewels, but shes proud, sharp, and doesnt tolerate being played by people who think money makes them superior.
Yet, despite their wealth, one habit drove me mad: they never paid their share.
Theyve done it again, I complained to Dan after his parents slipped out while he was in the loo, leaving us with a £250 bill. Your dad actually pretended to take a phone call!
Dan sighed and pulled out his card. I know. Theyve always been like this.
But theyve more money than sense! Your mums handbag costs more than our rent!
Ive tried talking to them. To them, its pocket changethey dont see the issue.
It became routine: lavish meals, expensive wines, and the same tired excuses.
Oh, Ive left my purse! his mother would exclaim, slapping her designer bag.
Urgent call, his father would mutter, bolting for the door.
Even Dans brother, Oliver, and his wife, Sophie, had mastered the family tradition, vanishing when the bill arrived. No one called them outnot friends, not colleagues. Then came the invitation.
Mum wants her 60th at that Italian place in Mayfair, Dan said one evening. Shes invited the whole family.
When? I asked, already feeling my purse tighten.
Next Friday. Good newswell be away for our anniversary trip to Spain. But since we cant go, theyve invited your mum.
I froze. Mum? Why?
Says she wants to get to know her better.
I knew it was a trap. My mother-in-law had never shown interestquite the opposite. Shed often hinted they had nothing in common. It was too obvious. But I couldnt stop itour trip was non-refundable.
Ill warn Mum, I said, grabbing my phone.
She answered on the third ring. Hello, love! How are you?
Mum, Dans parents want you at his mums birthday dinner
Yes! She texted earlier. Im looking forward to it!
My stomach dropped. Mum, listenthey always ditch the bill.
I spilled everything: their tricks, their escapes. Mum just laughed. Oh, dont fuss, darling.
Im serious. Theyll order the most expensive things and vanish.
Dont worry, she said calmly. Enjoy your trip. Ill handle it.
I hung up and turned to Dan. Shes walking right into it.
Maybe theyll behave this time, he offered weakly.
We exchanged a look. Neither of us believed it.
That night, we were already in our seaside hotel. I kept checking my phone, expecting a frantic call. Nothing. Just a text the next morning: Lovely evening. Call when youre back.
By Sunday, I couldnt wait any longer. Well? What happened?
It was interesting, Mum began.
She described the usual script: my in-laws arrived, dripping in designer labels. Theyd booked the best tableprivate, overlooking the courtyard.
They ordered everything, love. Starters, vintage wines, Wagyu steak with gold leaf.
And you?
Just pasta and water. No appetite. Clever girl. Minimised the damage.
Then?
When the bill came, the performance started. Your mother-in-law forgot her purse. Father-in-law claimed his wallet was in the car. Oliver got a call from the babysitter. One by one, they disappeared. Left me with a £1,200 bill.
Mum! You didnt pay?!
Of course not, she said smoothly. I ordered dessert.
WHAT?!
Chocolate soufflé. And the most expensive port. The waiter raised an eyebrow, but I smiled. Were celebrating.
I was speechless.
If you didnt pay how did it end?
I asked for the manager. Remember Robbie?
Robbie? Your old student?
The very one. The boy who brought me apples every morning. Now he owns three restaurants.
Mum taught for 30 years. Half of London seemed to be her former pupils.
We had a chat. He laughed when I explained. Then he rang your in-lawsvery politelyand said theyd forgotten to pay. Told them to return, or hed call the police.
He said that?!
On speakerphone. Your father-in-law stammered about a cash machine. Robbie just said, Lovely. Well wait.
Did they come back?
Like scalded cats! Mum cackled. Your mother-in-law was white as a sheet. What could they say? Caught red-handed.
And the bill?
Robbie added 25% for inconvenience. Over £1,500 in the end.
I howled with laughter. Mum, youre a legend!
Best part? This morning, your mother-in-law rang me. Just so you know, she said, we always pay our share.
The nerve!
Some people only learn the hard way. And that lesson was costly.
True enough.
Months later, a miracle: at every family dinner, my mother-in-law now announces, Separate bills, please!
Waiters nod, baffled. Dan and I share a smirk.
**Lesson learned: Pride comes before a fallespecially when you cross a retired English teacher with connections.**
