“Mum, let me know when William and Emily are coming over—I’d rather stay home with Lily that day,” my daughter told me. “What’s wrong? Has she done something to upset you?” I asked, having noticed more than once how she avoids her brother’s wife. The conversation left me wondering what was really happening in our family and what I should do about it.
**Family Gatherings and Tension**
I have two grown children: my son William and my daughter Charlotte. William has been married to Emily for three years, and they don’t have children yet. Charlotte lives on her own with her seven-year-old daughter Lily and often visits me. I live in a little market town with a garden, and for Lily, it’s a slice of heaven—running around, playing, helping me water the flowers. William and Emily visit too, but not as often—they’re busy with work and life in London.
I’ve always tried to bring the family together, especially for holidays. But over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed Charlotte making excuses when Emily is coming. At first, I thought it was coincidence, but then she said outright, “Mum, just warn me when they’ll be here. I’d rather not cross paths.” I was surprised and asked why, but Charlotte brushed it off—”It’s nothing, I just don’t want to.” But I’m her mother. I know something’s off.
**What’s Wrong with Emily?**
Emily seems perfectly nice—polite, always helps in the kitchen, brings thoughtful gifts, asks after my health. With William, they look like a happy couple—he adores her. But I’ve started noticing how coolly she acts around Charlotte. At the last family dinner, Emily barely spoke to her, and when Lily chattered away, Emily just smiled politely and stayed quiet. Maybe it’s a small thing, but Charlotte clearly takes it as indifference.
I tried talking to Charlotte, but she just deflects or changes the subject. Once, though, she admitted, “Mum, she’s so standoffish. Acts like she’s better than us—like Lily and I are just in the way.” I was surprised—Emily’s never struck me that way. But maybe I’m missing what my daughter sees. Charlotte’s always been sensitive, and after her divorce, she’s been even more so.
**A Talk with My Son**
I spoke to William, hoping to understand if there was some hidden conflict. He said Emily was perfectly fine with Charlotte—they just “don’t click.” “Mum, you know Charlotte gets in her head sometimes. She pushes people away,” he added. I disagreed. Charlotte’s warm and open—just uncomfortable around Emily.
William promised to talk to Emily, but I’m not sure it’ll help. The tension between them seems only to grow. Lily adores her Uncle William but calls Emily “the aunt who never talks.” Children sense these things better than we do.
**How Do I Keep the Family Together?**
It’s painful watching my children struggle with those closest to them. I want us all together like before—Lily growing up surrounded by family. But how, when Charlotte won’t even share the same room as Emily? Should I speak to them both? Or stay out of it and let them sort it themselves? I worry stepping in might make things worse.
If you’ve been through something similar, tell me—how did you handle it? How do I help my daughter and daughter-in-law find common ground? Or do I just accept they’ll never be close? I could really use the advice.
