I let out a bitter laugh—so, from the child support my ex pays for our son, I’m supposed to cover my brother’s child support for his kids?
Mum thought it was perfectly reasonable, as if I had some obligation to bail him out. This whole mess started a few years back, when my life already felt like a tangled mess straight out of a soap opera.
**Divorce and a New Reality**
My husband and I divorced when our son was five. It was ugly—shouting matches, property disputes, endless court dates. In the end, I got full custody, and my ex was ordered to pay child support. Not that it was much—25% of his declared salary, which, surprise surprise, was barely above minimum wage. In reality, he earned far more, but proving it in court was impossible. So my son and I made do: I worked my office job, took on freelance gigs, and those child support payments went straight to nursery fees and his after-school clubs.
Mum always had my back. She babysat, brought groceries, even slipped me cash now and then. But she had one blind spot—my younger brother, James. Twenty-eight and perpetually in some sort of crisis: losing jobs, breaking up with girlfriends, piling up debt. Mum insisted that as the older sister, I was meant to “keep him afloat.” Small favours, sure, but what happened next knocked me sideways.
**James and His “Family Troubles”**
James has two kids by two different women. The first relationship ended when their daughter was two, the second when his son turned one. He’s meant to pay child support for both, but of course, he doesn’t. Cash-in-hand jobs, the occasional gig—officially, he’s “broke.” Both exes took him to court, but good luck squeezing blood from a stone.
Then Mum shows up at my door one day and says, “Emily, you have to help James. His ex is threatening to report him for non-payment—he could go to jail. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” I frowned. “Mum, how is that my problem? He dug this hole himself.” But Mum already had it all figured out. She wanted me to cover James’ child support—using the payments from my ex.
**Ridiculous Logic and Family Guilt**
At first, I thought she was joking. Use my son’s child support to pay for James’ mistakes? But Mum was deadly serious. She went on about “family duty,” how James was “in a tight spot,” and how I had to step up as the responsible one. She even brought up stories from her youth about helping her own siblings. I tried explaining that my situation was different, that every penny I had was accounted for, but Mum wasn’t having it.
Worse, she’d already talked to James, and he was all for it. He called me later, whining about how unfair life was, how he was “being hounded,” and how I could “fix this so easily.” I was stunned. “James, are you serious? You want me to use my son’s money to pay your child support?” His reply? “Come on, Emily, you know I’m struggling. You’ve got steady money coming in.”
**Drawing the Line**
I said no. Flat out. I wasn’t going to shortchange my son because James couldn’t be bothered to sort his own life. Mum was furious—called me “selfish” and “ungrateful.” James sulked, saying I’d “abandoned him.” For weeks, we barely spoke. I felt guilty, but deep down, I knew I’d done the right thing.
Eventually, James found some way to wriggle out of it—dodged one ex’s complaints, ignored the other. But Mum still thinks I should’ve “been more understanding.” She brings it up now and then, especially when I ask her to babysit.
**What I’ve Learned**
This whole mess taught me a few things. First, you can’t let relatives exploit your sense of duty. I love my family, but my son comes first. Second, help those who actually try to help themselves—James never does. And third, saying “no” might cause a row, but it’s better than drowning in someone else’s mess.
These days, I keep my distance from James. Things with Mum are better, but I’ve made it clear—I’m not playing this game again. Ever been in a situation like this? How do you set boundaries without burning bridges?
