I’ve been unable to forget him for a decade. How do I move on with my life?
I was just 23 when I left to study in England. Young, naive, filled with hopes and dreams—I never imagined that a single encounter could turn my life upside down and leave an indelible mark that still lingers.
On the first day at university, fate introduced me to Edward. He was ten years my senior, English, reserved, calm—not the type of man I was usually drawn to. Yet, when our eyes met, the world around me faded away. There were twenty other people at the table, but I only saw him. Something inside me stirred. It felt as if I had known him forever, as if I had been searching for him my whole life and finally found him.
We kept crossing paths—thanks to mutual friends. Gradually, we grew closer, and before long, our story began. He started learning Polish, and I picked up English. It was pure bliss. In his arms, I felt at home; in his voice, I heard a tenderness I’d only seen in movies. I was genuinely happy—until I found out he was married. He had a wife and child back in London.
My world collapsed in an instant. I wanted to leave, to end everything, to forget, but I couldn’t. He explained that he was getting a divorce—his wife had cheated, their relationship was long broken, and he was just waiting for the right moment. I was torn, and eventually, I returned home to England, but I came back shattered.
For three months, I barely left the house. The only person I spoke to was Edward. Every day, for hours, we talked over Skype. He didn’t leave me alone in that hell. When I decided to return to England, he met me at the airport with flowers and a warm meal he’d made himself. He always cared, always asked if I had money, if I was warm enough, if I’d eaten. He was like an older brother, and yet, he was my love.
But soon, chaos returned. Edward’s wife decided not to go through with the divorce—for their child’s sake. He couldn’t leave her, couldn’t leave his son. He was honest with me; we had no future. Once more, I was alone, and he broke my heart for the second time.
A year passed. I still couldn’t forget him. Then Gregory entered my life—also English, from the same city as Edward. We started dating; then I got pregnant and had a child. We weren’t married, but we lived like a family. I continued to text Edward all that time. He would ask our mutual friends about me, how I was doing, how the baby was. He never disappeared, though he stayed in the background.
Then one day—on January 19th—Gregory and I were supposed to get married. But for some reason, we postponed the wedding until the summer. Just two days later, on January 21st, Edward found me and said he was finally divorced. He was free. And I realized I couldn’t marry Gregory. I couldn’t lie to him or myself.
I told Gregory the whole truth. That all these years, I’d loved another. That I couldn’t forget. That I’d tried, fought this feeling, but it was stronger than me. Edward also confessed that he never forgot me, that he’d thought of me all this time.
I introduced Edward to my child. He suggested we live together. And though my heart ached with guilt towards Gregory, I knew I had no choice. I had lived too long in the past. For ten years, I tried to erase Edward from my memory, but he was a part of me every second.
I don’t want to take the child away from Gregory. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s a good man and a wonderful father. But you don’t choose whom to love. Love either is, or it isn’t.
Now I stand at a crossroads. My heart beats in a rhythm of pain and hope. I look into my child’s eyes and don’t know how to explain that sometimes, to find happiness, you must take a leap into the unknown. I look into Edward’s eyes and see that same spark I saw the day we first met.
Ten years ago, I didn’t know what real love was. Now I do. But this love has brought so many tears, so much loss, that I’m unsure if I can ever find true happiness. And yet… I choose it. Because I’ve never felt anything stronger in my life.
