The shock was overwhelming: he found out I was pregnant and left me like a coward!
My name is Emily Clarke. I’m 20 years old and live in the quiet little town of Thornfield, nestled in the countryside of Surrey, where the days are often shrouded in gray. I debated for a long time whether to share my story, but after reading the confessions of other young women, I felt compelled to spill out my pain. My story is a haunting wound, a shadow that follows me, poisoning each day of my youth.
It all began when I was 15. I fell in love with a boy named Aaron—he was so handsome he seemed like a dream come true. All the girls at school secretly admired him for his bright eyes and charming smile. I couldn’t believe my luck when a friend whispered to me that he wanted to meet. “Are you serious?” I asked, my heart pounding like a trapped bird. Without hesitation, I agreed. At our first meeting, he gave me a red rose—I still have it, pressed between the pages of an old book. That evening was like a fairytale, his voice, his warmth—I was captivated, not realizing I was falling into an abyss.
I gave myself to him, which turned out to be my fatal mistake. Soon I discovered I was pregnant. My world collapsed. When my parents found out, they looked at me like a stranger: Dad was silent, fists clenched, and Mum wept as if mourning. I was terrified, feeling trapped with no way out. Aaron, my charming prince, turned out to be a coward. When he heard about the baby, he turned pale, muttered something incoherent, and vanished—like he never existed. I was left alone with the fear, the shame, a burden that crushed my youth.
The house fell silent—worse than shouting. My parents turned away, overwhelmed with hurt, and I had nowhere to run. Eventually, with my mum’s consent, I had an abortion. It was hell: pain, tears, emptiness. Afterward, I withdrew into myself as if into a coffin. The shock was such that I couldn’t face guys for years. Since then, I’ve been alone—no dates, no hint of affection. Love became poison to me, sex a nightmare from which I wake up in a cold sweat. I’m terrified of getting pregnant again, scared that if it happens, I’ll have to go through childbirth, and this fear has frozen me in place.
I’ve lost myself. My soul is like a broken violin, playing only sad tunes that echo my melancholy. I live in solitude, in perpetual sadness, where joy finds no space. The sun has set for me, smiles seem distant, and my shadow lingers like a ghost watching my every step. I’ve forgotten how to speak to guys, how to meet their gaze without trembling. My voice shakes when someone talks to me, and my heart shrinks with fear. I’ve become an ice statue—cold, fragile, unable to feel warmth.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. Where is the girl who laughed, dreamed, believed in love? Aaron stole her, crushed her, leaving me only pain and fear. I walk the streets of Thornfield, see couples in love, and inside, I scream: why not me? Why is my life darkness? I want to love, want to live, but every time I think of it, his face appears—beautiful, deceitful, cowardly. He left me at my worst, and that shock still echoes in my chest.
I don’t know how to escape this hell. Fear has bound me: afraid to trust, afraid to open up again, terrified of reliving that nightmare. My youth should be full of light, yet I drown in despair. Friends invite me out, but I hide in my room, where only the walls know my grief. My parents forgave me long ago, but I can’t forgive myself—for being naive, for being weak, for believing in him. The rose in my book serves as a reminder of the day I lost everything.
Please, tell me how to move on? How to melt the ice that grips my heart? I want to be free of the past, but it holds me in a death grip. I’m only 20, yet I feel like an old woman, with a life that ended before it began. Aaron left, but he left me with this cross to bear—fear, loneliness, emptiness. How can I find the strength to believe in love again, to trust people, to trust myself? I’m tired of crying into my pillow, tired of being afraid. I want the sun back in my soul, but I don’t know where to find it. Please help me; I’m drowning in this darkness and can’t see the light.
