Thanks, but that’s not the kind of vacation I want!
“I’ve got some great news!” Alex announced as he stepped through the door of their flat. “We’re going on holiday!”
Surprisingly, Mary wasn’t as enthused about the news as she’d expected. This puzzled her because Alex had been talking for a long time about going on a vacation to some warm seaside location, a perfect escape from the damp and dreary city. Now it seemed like their plans were finally coming to fruition. So why wasn’t she more excited?
Alex seemed to pick up on his wife’s lack of enthusiasm. He frowned and asked, “Mary, what’s wrong? Have you changed your mind?”
“No,” Mary sighed, trying to pinpoint what exactly was bothering her. “It’s just… Alright, tell me, where do you plan to go?”
Alex immediately began to paint a vivid picture of his vision for their holiday together. Indonesia, a tropical paradise, exotic islands, Komodo dragons…
“Can you imagine Komodo dragons?” he exclaimed breathlessly. “I’ve always dreamed of seeing them!”
Mary couldn’t imagine. She’d only seen pictures of these dragons on the internet, where they appeared terrifying and dangerous. She had no interest in seeing these giant lizards in person.
“Alex,” she hesitantly interjected, “maybe we should consider Turkey instead? You know, the classic all-inclusive, hotel, beach, entertainers… A buffet, perhaps? We’re going there to relax, not to take risks.”
“What do you mean?” Alex frowned again. “What risks? The tours are led by an experienced guide; nothing will happen.”
Mary just shrugged. “Nothing” might not happen, but it wouldn’t feel like a vacation to her. She wanted to lie on a beach, sunbathe, and sip on fizzy drinks, not chase dragons with a camera. However, Alex was the primary funder of any trip, so she felt obliged to listen and agree.
Alex continued to talk for a long time about how great it would be to stay in a beachfront reed bungalow, what national dishes to try, and where to go…
Mary listened with only half an ear. Alex, as usual, had already decided everything. Her opinion didn’t seem to matter.
This was how it always was. Alex decided everything—what appliances to buy, which nursery to send their son Jim to, what color wallpaper to choose. Yes, Alex had good taste and reasoning. But while Mary didn’t care about the color of the wallpaper, she couldn’t just ignore matters that concerned their time together.
Until recently, Mary had gone along with everything her husband decided. She drove a red car, even though she hated the color red. She’d vacationed in crazy places like the Scottish Highlands and Cornwall, even though she’d have preferred a beach in Brighton. She’d gone to water parks instead of botanical gardens. And so on.
At first, Mary convinced herself that this was how it should be. Her husband was just trying to expand her horizons, push her out of her comfort zone, and so on.
Alex was indeed always very active—ever since she’d known him. Open to new trends, new fashions, and new passions. Mary, however, was more conservative. But her parents were always amazed at how much new and exciting Alex could do. Mary could never win an argument against that trio.
Over time, she just stopped arguing altogether. She tried to love the lifestyle imposed on her. She took up skiing under his guidance and nearly broke her leg, but even a day in a trauma unit didn’t convince Alex that she was not an athlete. She went swimming, although she’d never liked water and at the seaside preferred only to “splash a bit.”
There were many such examples. Initially, new activities brought something unique to Mary’s life, but gradually, that novelty was replaced by monotony.
Mary couldn’t understand what was happening to her. Alex was just as lively and inspired as ever, bursting with wild ideas, finding ways to make his dreams come true. And Mary simply followed like she was tethered.
At times, she indeed felt tethered. No longer an independent person, she was an extension who was supposed to think like Alex, love what he loved, and so on.
“Fine,” she finally said, exhausted. “You’ve decided and planned everything. How about asking me?”
Alex just waved dismissively. “I’m doing all this for you, and you don’t even appreciate it!”
“And if I asked, would you have dragged me to your dull Turkey again?”
“Again?” Mary exclaimed. “What do you mean ‘again’? Have we even been there once?”
Alex opened his mouth to respond, but didn’t get the chance. Mary erupted:
“Have you ever asked where I want to go on holiday, how I want to live, what car I want to drive? No! You decide everything! Mary this, Mary that, do it like this, be interested in that, but why? So it’s convenient for you? So you can boast to your friends about how your wife is a smart athlete and how much you have in common? Is that it? Or to realize your dreams? Have you asked about mine? Thanks, but I don’t want this kind of vacation!”
Mary paused. She felt a heavy lump forming in her throat as tears threatened to flow.
“Mary, I love you…” Alex seemed both confused and frustrated by this unexpected outburst from his usually quiet and obedient wife.
“No!” Mary snapped back. “When you love someone, you don’t act like this! You ask what they want, what they dream about. You don’t just blow your own trumpet!”
Feeling the tears about to start, Mary dashed out of the room.
“Enough is enough! Let him take his photos of those creatures if they mean more to him than I do!”
***
Mary sat in the kitchen, silently staring out the window. She’d almost calmed down, at least she wasn’t crying anymore. Plenty of negative thoughts had crossed her mind about Alex; she’d been angry, she’d cried, got angry again. Now she was calm, yet still sheltered a feeling of hurt somewhere within.
The door clicked shut, and a second later Alex appeared in the kitchen doorway. He quietly laid some papers on the table.
“What’s this?” Mary looked up at her husband, blinking in surprise.
“New tickets,” Alex said calmly. “I’ve exchanged them. We’re flying to Cornwall.”
“Really?” she smiled, thinking to herself that she shouldn’t have stayed silent all those years.
Mary blinked and looked at him gratefully, and he hugged her and kissed the top of her head.
“Forgive a fool. I love you, Mary.”
