After 19 years of marriage and two kids: Mark left for a younger colleague!
He’s no longer my husband
I’m writing this letter because I can no longer hold back the pain.
I’m 42 years old, and two weeks ago, my world fell apart.
My husband, with whom I’ve spent 19 years and who is the father of our children, just said:
— I’m leaving.
I didn’t even get a chance to ask anything when he added:
— I have someone else. Her name is Emily, she’s 28, and she’s expecting my child.
I stood there, unable to move.
It felt like I must have misheard. This couldn’t be my Mark, the man I loved, with whom I shared every day, every joy, and every sorrow.
But it was him.
He spoke calmly, as if he was just telling me he was going out to buy some bread.
And then it hit me: I hadn’t noticed a thing.
Two years of deception
It turned out he had been seeing her for two years.
And I…
I waited for him with dinner.
I ironed his shirts so they were always fresh and tidy.
I worried about why he no longer spent time with the kids.
I was anxious about why he did so little to help around the house.
I blamed it all on his workload, his job, his tiredness.
I made up excuses for him when he canceled family outings.
I never even questioned why he stopped touching me.
But now, it all made sense.
He simply didn’t love me anymore.
And I was the last to know the truth.
How blind I was!
When I returned home from visiting my parents with the kids, I saw him for the first time, truly.
He seemed different.
He wouldn’t look me in the eye.
He didn’t want to talk.
He wouldn’t even touch me.
I felt a chasm had opened between us.
And then came that day.
I detected an unfamiliar scent on his shirt.
It was my perfume.
But I hadn’t used it.
That day, I had only applied some deodorant.
I looked at him, and everything inside me twisted.
And that evening, I noticed traces of someone else’s lipstick on his collar.
Then everything became painfully clear.
He didn’t even bother to make excuses.
He simply said:
— I love her. I no longer want to lie. We need to separate.
I tried to remind him of everything we had together.
About our children.
About the 19 years we spent together.
About how Emily could practically be his daughter.
But he’d made up his mind.
He wanted a new life.
Without me.
I don’t want this divorce!
Two days later, we went to a solicitor.
Mark wanted to “divorce quickly and without any complications.”
But what if I don’t want this?
What if I’m not ready to fall asleep alone in a cold bed?
What if I still love him?
Will he ever realize he made a mistake?
Emily doesn’t know that his favorite dish is shepherd’s pie.
She doesn’t know his favorite shirts are light blue.
She’s yet to realize he has back issues and can’t sit on a soft sofa.
But one day she will.
And one day he will too.
I know he will regret it.
But I also know that if he ever tries to come back, I will never forget his betrayal.
Those nights, those tears, that feeling of being thrown away like an unwanted item.
All I can do now is wait for the pain to subside.
Someday I will be able to sleep without tears again.
Someday I will wake up and realize I don’t love him anymore.
I just hope that day arrives before the kids return from their holiday.
Because I have to be strong.
For them.
