People wanted to see me broken… But I realized: I’m all I have! Life tried to break me. Yet, I rose again. Life is a peculiar thing. It offered me hope, only to snatch it away. It made me laugh, then plunged me into such despair that the tears burned my skin.
It introduced me to people who promised to stay, but vanished at the first sign of darkness. It lifted me to the heights, only to hurl me into the abyss. But you know what? I survived. Against all odds. I fell—and I got back up. I lost everything—and found new purpose. I stood alone during the toughest times. And that’s when I discovered the most important truth: I am the only person I can count on.
People wanted to see me weak. But I didn’t give them the satisfaction. I saw how they looked at me. How they waited for me to shatter. How eagerly they anticipated my final surrender, when I’d completely lose myself. I felt those stares. They were filled with schadenfreude, poison, apathy. They intended to see me pitiful. They wanted to say, “See? You’re not as strong as you fancy yourself to be!”
But do you know what distinguishes the strong from the weak? The strong don’t give up, even when there’s no way out. I didn’t allow them to witness my defeat. I kept going. It was painful. It was hard. But I persisted. Because if I crumble, no one will lift me. Because if I give in, that will be my end. I didn’t let that happen to me.
I believed in people. But I was wrong every time. I trusted. I loved. I thought people came into my life with purpose. I was ready to share my thoughts, my dreams, my soul with them. But every time… Every time they turned out to be different from how they seemed. Different faces. Different names. Different words. But inside—the same rotten core.
I grew tired of painting them in pretty colors. I grew weary of hoping it would be different this time. But then the moment always came when the mask fell… And there stood another betrayer. Another person who was never sincere. And you know what filled my eyes then? Not tears. Not hurt. Only anger. This anger doesn’t make me stronger. It makes me lonelier. There’s no room left in my soul for tears. They’ve long since run dry. There’s only disappointment left.
I wish… I wish someone would change that someday. Someone who would break this endless cycle. Someone who would come and not betray. Not lie. Not use me as a backdrop for their games. But I know—they are far away. Too far. And I don’t have time to wait. I have no future. I only have the here and now.
I no longer want to be someone’s shadow. I don’t want to bear someone else’s pain. I don’t want to be the one who’s used. I want to follow my own path. I don’t want to depend on anyone’s decisions, views, promises. I have myself. And that’s enough for me.
Someday you’ll find me. I know you’re out there somewhere. The person who won’t lie. Who won’t run away at the crucial moment. Who won’t betray. You’ll find me.
But do you know what’s important to me? That you don’t ask for promises. That you don’t demand proof. Just be. Just understand. Just stay. And then, perhaps… I’ll believe again.
