My Anguish: I Despise My Wife and Don’t Want Her Child
How can I keep going?
My name is Andrew.
I’m writing this because I can’t hold it in any longer.
My heart is torn.
I’m miserable.
I feel like a prisoner in my own life.
In my world, everything was decided for me – by parents, relatives, traditions.
And now I’m living with a woman for whom I feel nothing but hatred.
Every day, I curse the moment I couldn’t say “no.”
My heart belonged to another
I loved her.
The one I chose myself.
The one with whom I was happy.
Her name was Emma, and when I was with her, I thought I had found my other half.
Six months of happiness.
Six months when I felt, for the first time, like a real man, not a puppet in my family’s hands.
But happiness didn’t last.
As soon as my father found out about us, he was furious.
“You dared to associate with an outsider?!”
He wouldn’t listen to me.
He didn’t see how much I loved her.
To him, only one thing mattered – she wasn’t from our circle.
He decided I wouldn’t have a choice.
And he did everything to break me.
My brother and his friends watched my every move.
And then…
They found us.
I couldn’t protect my love
That day, Emma and I hid in the park.
We were sitting on a bench, holding hands.
We thought no one would find us.
But suddenly, they appeared in front of us.
My brother.
And three of his friends.
I saw the hatred in their eyes.
They didn’t even speak – just lunged at me.
I remember falling to the ground, feeling punches to my face and stomach.
I heard Emma scream.
I heard her trying to pull them away from me.
But there was nothing I could do.
They beat me.
Humiliated me.
Crushed me.
And then they dragged me home.
I never saw Emma again.
I was traded like an object
The next day, I was married off.
Just like that.
Without my consent.
Without my choice.
As if I were an object they could control.
I shouted.
I protested.
But no one listened.
My family decided they knew better.
And I ended up in the same house with a stranger, someone I didn’t know.
Someone I didn’t want to know.
I became a prisoner in my own home
I lived next to her, but never saw her as a wife.
I only spoke to her when necessary.
I avoided sleeping in the same bed as much as I could.
But one day, she said to me:
“I’m pregnant.”
I realized I was now even more trapped.
I wasn’t just in a marriage.
I was about to have a family I never wanted.
But fate took another turn.
One evening, I came home exhausted, angry, and disappointed.
She was moving around with a displeased look, muttering to herself.
I said a few harsh words.
She snapped back.
I lost my temper.
I pushed her.
She fell.
And within hours, she had a miscarriage.
The most frightening part?
I don’t feel guilty.
I don’t regret it.
I’m relieved there won’t be a child.
Because I never wanted one.
I don’t know how to move forward
I live with a woman I don’t love.
I think about the one I lost.
I look in the mirror and see a broken man who did nothing to save his life.
I don’t know what to do.
I see no way out.
But one thing is certain:
I won’t accept this.
I’ll find a way to escape.
I’ll find a way to break free.
And then I’ll breathe again.
