My Struggle: I Can’t Stand My Wife and Don’t Want Her Child
How do I go on from here?
My name is Andrew.
I’m writing this because I can’t keep it bottled up inside any longer.
My heart is torn apart.
I’m miserable.
I feel like a prisoner in my own life.
In my world, decisions were always made for me—by parents, relatives, traditions.
And now I’m living with a woman for whom I feel nothing but loathing.
Every day I curse the moment I couldn’t say “no.”
My heart belonged to someone else.
I loved her.
The one I chose for myself.
The one with whom I was truly happy.
Her name was Emily, and when I was with her, it felt like I’d found my other half.
Six months of sheer joy.
Six months where, for the first time, I felt like a real man, not a puppet pulled by my family’s strings.
But the happiness was short-lived.
As soon as my father found out about her, he was furious.
“How dare you consort with someone outside our circle?!”
He refused to listen to me.
He couldn’t see how much I loved her.
To him, only one thing mattered – she wasn’t part of our world.
He decided there would be no choice for me.
And he did everything he could to break my spirit.
My brother and his friends monitored my every move.
And then…
Then they caught us.
I Failed to Protect My Love
That day, Emily and I hid in the local park.
We sat on a bench, holding hands, believing no one would find us.
But suddenly they appeared in front of us.
My brother.
And three of his friends.
I saw the hatred in their eyes.
They didn’t even speak – they just lunged at me.
I remember falling to the ground, feeling the blows to my face, my stomach.
I heard Emily scream.
I heard her trying to pull them off me.
But I was powerless.
They beat me.
They humiliated me.
They crushed me.
Then they dragged me back home.
I never saw Emily again.
I Was Traded Like Property
The very next day, I was married off.
Just like that.
Without my consent.
Without my choice.
As if I were a possession to be dealt with.
I shouted.
I protested.
But no one listened.
My family decided they knew what was best.
And I found myself in a home with a total stranger, a woman I didn’t even know.
Whom I didn’t want to know.
A Prisoner in My Own Home
I lived beside her but never saw a wife in her.
I spoke to her only as much as absolutely necessary.
I avoided sharing a bed with her whenever possible.
But one day, she told me:
“I’m pregnant.”
And I realized I was now tied down even more tightly.
I wasn’t just ensnared in a marriage.
There would be a family I never wished for.
But fate took another turn.
One evening, I returned home tired, angry, frustrated.
I watched her move about with a discontented expression, mumbling to herself.
I snapped a few harsh words at her.
She snapped back.
I couldn’t control myself.
I pushed her.
She fell.
And within hours, she had a miscarriage.
You know what’s the worst part?
I feel no guilt.
I have no regrets.
I’m relieved that the child is no longer coming.
Because I didn’t want it.
I Don’t Know How to Go On
I live with a woman I don’t love.
I think about someone else whom I’ve lost.
I look in the mirror and see a broken man who did nothing to save his life.
I don’t know what to do.
I can’t see a way out.
But there’s one thing I do know:
I won’t settle for this.
I’ll find a way to leave.
I’ll find a way to break free.
And then, perhaps, I can breathe again.
