When Happiness Is Absent: She Belittled Me, But I Endured for the Sake of the Children
I remained silent for too long. For quite a while, I hesitated to share my story.
It seemed that there were people with troubles far graver than mine.
But now, after 30 years of marriage, I feel an overwhelming emptiness inside me.
I want to scream, to shout: “This isn’t how it should be! This isn’t what life is supposed to look like!”
But who needs to hear this?
I’m 58 years old and live in a house that stopped being a home long ago.
Together, yet apart.
Under one roof, but estranged.
And perhaps nothing can change at this point.
I married without love – and paid the price for it
When I was 28, my parents insisted that I marry Jane.
I didn’t love her.
But back then, I thought love wasn’t all that important. The main things were family, stability, and respect.
We got married.
Jane quickly revealed her true self.
She demeaned me in front of friends, mocked me, and said I was worthless.
In public, she might hold my hand gently, but at home, behind closed doors, she called me a nobody.
Everything about me annoyed her – the way I ate, the way I spoke, even the way I breathed.
But I endured.
I endured for the children.
To avoid breaking up the family.
I thought time would bring change.
But things only got worse with time.
We lived like neighbors. Except neighbors don’t belittle each other
When the boys grew up and moved away, Jane stopped hiding her disdain for me entirely.
I built an extension onto the house and moved there.
We no longer had family dinners.
Everything was divided – the fridge, the dishes, the space in the house.
She would hide her food in containers and label them so I wouldn’t accidentally take her groceries.
I ate separately, slept separately, lived separately.
And when acquaintances would say:
“You two are such a strong couple!”
I wanted to laugh in their faces.
Every day was a struggle for the simple right to exist
When Jane wasn’t working, the house would become a battleground.
She would shout, argue, and blame me for everything.
“You’re pathetic!”
“You’re useless!”
“You’ve achieved nothing!”
I tried to keep quiet.
I thought if I didn’t respond, if I just waited it out, it would all blow over.
But no.
She never tired of finding new reasons to insult me.
One day, I overheard her telling a friend:
“He’s not even a real man. Just a pitiful addition to the house.”
For the first time in my life, I felt everything inside me crumble.
I lived with someone for whom I was nothing.
And the scariest part? I had nowhere to go.
I’d spent so many years working, building a house, raising children… And now, I’m forced to endure this just to have a roof over my head.
I don’t know why I’m still here
I could leave.
But where?
The children have grown up, they have their own families. They rarely visit, and when they do, they pretend not to notice anything.
It’s easier for them to think everything’s fine with us.
And for me, nothing matters anymore.
I’m just waiting.
Waiting for this nightmare to end.
Waiting for the day when I no longer have the strength to be angry, to argue, to reply.
Waiting to feel, at least in old age, that there’s someone who doesn’t look at me with hatred.
I don’t know why I’m writing all of this.
Perhaps to tell those who are young now:
Don’t marry without love.
Don’t live in a place where you’re belittled.
Don’t endure for the sake of children – they’ll grow up and leave anyway.
I’ve prayed for my sons to be happier than I am.
And if my story teaches someone what I failed to understand – then perhaps it wasn’t all for nothing.
