This Pain Doesn’t Fade Away
How fleeting human life is. We make plans, expend our energy and time on trivial pursuits, chase after success, wealth, and the approval of others. Yet, we often put those who truly love us—the ones who gave us life and will never betray us—on the back burner.
I came to this realization far too late.
My father left early, and my mother devoted herself solely to me. I lost my father when I was still a child. He passed away from a severe illness, and my memories of him are almost nonexistent. All I have are my mother’s words about what a wonderful man he was.
She never remarried.
“I loved only him,” she would say. “And I still do. I believe that one day we will meet again.”
I listened to her stories, watched as a spark ignited in her eyes whenever she spoke of the past. She believed in love, in destiny, in fairy tales.
However, her life after my father’s death was far from a fairy tale.
I was her only son, and she gave herself entirely to me. She worked hard, cared for me, and strived to ensure that I had everything.
But I…
I forgot that parents are not eternal.
I left and began a new life while my mother remained behind, waiting. Five years ago, I got married and moved to another town.
We had a son—Ethan.
Life became a whirlwind. Family, work, then a second job—I had to earn more, provide for my child, and think about the future.
I called my mother less and less.
I only visited for holidays.
She always waited.
“Everything is fine, my dear,” she would say. “The important thing is that you’re well.”
Meanwhile, I barely noticed how time slipped away.
How she slipped away.
The call that changed everything
A few days before New Year’s, the phone rang.
I saw an unfamiliar number.
“Hello?”
A trembling voice came through the line:
“This is Raymond, your mother’s neighbor… She’s gone.”
She had suffered a heart attack. She died in the hospital.
I heard those words but couldn’t grasp their meaning.
My world crumbled in an instant.
I stood there, holding the phone, unsure of what to do.
And then…
Then the tears flowed freely.
Bitter, piercing.
I cried not only from the pain.
I cried from guilt.
Forgive me, Mum…
Forgive me for not being there.
Forgive me for not finding the time to tell you how much I love you.
Forgive me for letting you leave alone.
Now you are gone, and life will never be the same.
I would give anything to bring back just one day. One evening. One hour.
But time cannot be reversed.
And saying “I love you” came too late.
