You must be mistaken, I’m not your bride.
Why are we doing this?
This incident actually happened, and it ended rather unhappily for one lady, or rather for two.
It all started quite simply.
Don’s parents had long wanted him to settle down. Just think about it – a handsome, fit young man, working as an assembler in a defense enterprise, earning a small fortune, and yet he’s still a bachelor. He only gave a fraction of his salary to his parents while squandering the rest on various entertainments and dining out, not even considering buying a car. He could have saved up for one in six months or even less, but why bother? With money in hand, he could just take a taxi everywhere. It was, in short, a charmed life. In his free time, he was always well-fed and relaxed, without a care in the world besides small nagging from his parents. But parents are supposed to nag, so Don let them.
Don’s parents, however, had a different perspective. They thought and thought and decided to handle it decisively.
They made a plan with a neighbor named Fiona, who had a daughter named Melissa. Melissa had been single for a while, like Don, and Fiona was eager to find her a match. Immediately after her conversation with Don’s parents, Fiona caught Don on a narrow path and invited him to her house under the pretense of helping her carry a heavy bag.
Don, being a kind-hearted fellow, agreed to help. In gratitude, Fiona invited him to the kitchen, poured him a small glass of brandy, and was very congenial.
“We’re simple folk, Don,” she said. “We really value kindness in people and want to treat you for your generosity.”
Don didn’t refuse. After all, it was just a small thank-you. He took a sip, and Fiona poured another, encouraging him to relax.
Just then, her daughter Melissa walked into the kitchen and introduced herself. Don couldn’t help but smile, foolishly perhaps, as Fiona then promptly invited him over the next day to supposedly celebrate Melissa’s birthday.
With the brandy warming him and Saturday the following day, Don agreed. Why not have a little fun?
Have fun he did, so much so that he only woke up there the following morning. On Monday, he went straight from Fiona’s to the factory.
That evening, he came home and told his parents somberly,
“I think I’ve made a mess… Looks like I’ll have to get married…”
His parents exhaled in relief and smiled broadly.
The time leading up to the wedding flew by. Whenever there’s a lot to do, time seems to sprint. Arranging the venue, tailoring a suit and dress, finding suitable rings, booking a car for the couple and guests… Don watched his money disappear on who knows what and grew increasingly gloomy.
If only he loved Melissa. But—he’d just blurted it out while drunk, jokingly, saying, “As a respectable man, I should probably marry,” and both she and Fiona latched on, like a dog with a bone. All because he had made an offhand comment, he should suffer?
Melissa hinted heavily at him: “Don, be ready for the bride’s ransom!”
“What?” he fumed. “What ransom? Let’s just do this simply: I’ll come pick you up, we’ll get into the car, and head to the registry office.”
“No!” the bride insisted stubbornly. “I want it to be exactly as my mom says.”
“Oh, as your mom says?” Don muttered through gritted teeth, recalling their first meeting repeatedly. Lately, he had been suspecting that his “chance” encounter with Melissa was a meticulously planned scheme from her mother.
Finally, the day arrived when Don, with a heavy heart, donned his groom’s outfit and went to fetch his bride in a rented car. Like an idiot, he thought, as their apartments were just blocks apart. But apparently, traditions needed to be kept; the groom had to ceremoniously come for the bride.
As soon as he entered the right building, Melissa’s friends surrounded him, demanding payment for each step leading to happiness.
Cursing inwardly, he quickly gave them small bills to make them leave him alone. It wasn’t just the ceremony that unnerved him, but the looming announcement of love he’d have to make at the registry office.
He ascended to the second floor, entered the flat, and to his surprise, saw not one, but five brides standing with their faces concealed behind dense, white lace.
One of Melissa’s friends declared: “The groom must guess on the first try who his beloved Melissa is. For each mistake, a large fine!”
“Oh, you’re charging a fine now?” Don grumbled, but everyone laughed, thinking he was joking.
Standing for a full minute, he watched with disdain, realizing his time to back out was dwindling. Everyone thought he was trying to pick Melissa, but in his lightheadedness, he was pondering the right thing to do.
Then he decided. He selected the girl least resembling Melissa’s figure, seized her hand, and nervously declared:
“This is my bride!”
With that, he began to leave with her in tow. The girl, treating it similarly as a groom’s prank, laughed merrily and willingly followed him.
Everyone erupted in laughter and shouted: “The groom made a mistake! That’s ten thousand!”
While they were busy taunting him, Don and the girl hurried out and clambered into the car.
“What are you doing?” the girl finally came to her senses once inside, accidentally going along with him. “You’ve made a mistake; I’m not your bride!”
“I know!” Don said frantically, ordering the driver, “Step on it! Let’s get out of here, quick!”
The car set off smoothly, and the girl hastily removed the veil covering her face.
“What are you doing?! You made a mistake! Stop the car!”
“No, I didn’t make a mistake!” Don insisted, looking at her with desperate eyes. “I really didn’t!”
Something mysterious happened. Maybe she saw something in his eyes, but somehow she calmed down. She merely asked,
“Are you, Don, sure you’re doing the right thing?”
Don continued staring into her eyes and nodded desperately.
“So, you don’t love Melissa at all?” she asked again.
“I despise her,” Don whispered, emphasizing each syllable.
“And where are we going now?” the girl inquired.
“Where else?” The driver turned back in confusion. “Aren’t we headed to the registry?”
“No, sir,” Don said sadly, “We’re not.”
“I don’t understand!” The car braked suddenly.
“Now, I need to hide somewhere,” Don said, looking in the understanding girl’s eyes, and she smiled.
“Do you want me to hide you?” she offered.
“Stop, newlyweds!” shouted the driver. “Why aren’t we heading to the registry? I planned your whole route!”
“Don’t worry, we’ll pay you extra,” the girl assured. “Just take us to this address.” Then she gave the location. Don quickly supported her: “Yes! We’ll pay double! Just please, if my family tries to contact you, don’t answer!”
The uproar was, of course, monumental. Don’s parents and Fiona even attempted to report the groom’s disappearance to the police. But the officers merely laughed and advised them to contact the media to make an appeal to their runaway groom.
Don stayed hidden for a couple of weeks, and Molly—the girl who rescued him—became Galina’s arch-enemy.
But after a few months, Don and Molly went ahead and married out of genuine love. After their wedding, Don transformed into a responsible, sober husband. He even bought a car. However, they had to choose a new home far away from the area where Fiona and her daughter lived.
