Release Me
Sometimes, Sarah would pause. She’d stand motionless, suddenly turn around, and peer into the darkness with her swollen, tear-filled eyes. But she saw nothing. She heard nothing but could feel something.
*****
Sarah thought about her cat everywhere: in her empty apartment, on the streets, in a crowded bus, sitting at her desk in the office, or standing in line at the coffee machine.
She couldn’t stop thinking about her, even when she went grocery shopping or carried heavy bags back home.
Sometimes it even seemed…
…like she could see her. She could!
The fluffy white tail of Cloud would flicker before her eyes and quickly disappear around a building’s corner or wave to her cheerily from behind the nearest bench.
Oh, what joy it was to see. To see the one she couldn’t live without. The one who was always there.
In those moments, a glimmer of hope appeared in the woman’s downcast eyes. A small, almost ghostly hope. Maybe everything that happened wasn’t real?
Oh, how she wanted to believe that.
But it was just a fleeting moment.
A moment between the past and the future. The past that never returns and the future…
…which never arrives.
No matter how hard she tried to find her beloved “blondie” amid endless grey days, she failed, and tears welled up in her eyes.
Large, hot tears rolled down her cheeks, taking away sorrow, pain, and the last shred of hope.
“Sarah, you can’t keep doing this!” her friends would say. “Let her go!”
But she couldn’t let go.
How can you let go of someone you love? How?! Letting go means forgetting, right? Forgetting?! Are you out of your mind?
She tried, but it was no use. Because she couldn’t forget.
How to forget when she still thought of her every day?
The only thing she wanted to forget and erase from her memory was…
…the day Cloud suddenly disappeared.
Yes, her cat was quite old and had been unwell lately, but she hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. She wasn’t ready. Can anyone ever be ready for that?
Those who prepare themselves are ready to let go. But she didn’t want to let go. She couldn’t.
She didn’t care what her friends thought about her or what her colleagues said behind her back, twiddling their fingers at their temples.
Everything is relative. Her friends and colleagues had nothing to compare it to.
Maybe, over time, things would change. But right now… the pain was still too raw, and…
…her exhausted imagination painted very vivid and lively pictures.
She’d wake up in the morning and see Cloud lying beside her feet; her heart would start beating faster and harder, ready to leap out of her chest. But when Sarah reached out to touch the cat, reality would set in, and the smile would vanish from her face.
Such reality could drive anyone insane.
And Sarah might have lost her mind if it weren’t for her imagination, which quickly began to paint new pictures in her mind.
There was Cloud gracefully prowling along the bookshelf, jumping to the floor, sprinting into the next room…
There she was, lying on the windowsill, grooming her white fur, smiling at the sun that brazenly peered in to admire Cloud along with Sarah.
How beautiful she was: a pure blonde. Not a single dark spot.
Only a small sprinkle of “freckles” adorned her cute face, but they didn’t mar her perfect image. In fact, they made it even more charming.
Sarah had shared a home with her cat for a long 15 years.
That’s a lot. Quite a lot. Almost a lifetime, only in miniature.
So much had happened in her life over that time: both good and bad.
At times, it seemed like everything…
She couldn’t find the strength to get up.
With no one around to lend a hand. But then Cloud would come running to her and help her rise. She reached the very depths of her soul and gently stirred something with her calm purring.
It helped.
Sarah would get up and carry on. Because she had a reason to live for someone. But now? What was left to live for now?
She sat on a bench and cried. Quietly, she turned away each time someone passed by. So they wouldn’t ask unnecessary questions.
And beside her sat Cloud. Pressing close to her, purring, trying to comfort her owner.
Her former owner, because…
…she, the cat, was no longer in this world.
But she hadn’t yet reached the rainbow bridge. That’s why Sarah couldn’t let her go. She couldn’t.
“Let me go,” she mewed.
“I can’t!” Sarah wept, addressing not anyone specific but to whatever was around her:
the trees, standing silently, the clouds, lazily drifting across the blue sky, the sun, setting beyond the horizon.
They sat together on that bench late into the night. Only while Cloud saw and heard her owner, Sarah only felt her presence. But even that was significant.
Wrapped in the evening chill, Sarah felt her feet freezing in her light shoes, yet her knees were warm. That was where Cloud was sitting, caught between two worlds.
Between the world she would never return to and the world she couldn’t quite reach.
No, Cloud couldn’t blame her owner for this. How could she?
How could she hold anything against the person who loved her more than life itself, who gave her a life when others had left her, a helpless kitten, to die on the streets?
Oh, if only she could live another life, Cloud would be ready to go through pain and suffering again, just to be saved by Sarah. Just to be with her again.
But is that ever possible?
The woman stood up and headed home. And the cat followed behind her at a distance.
Sometimes Sarah would stop. Stand still, then suddenly turn around and look into the darkness with her swollen, tear-filled eyes. But she saw nothing. She didn’t hear, but she felt.
She entered the apartment, made her way to the bedroom, and lay down on the bed, while her beloved cat settled down beside her feet. And Sarah knew she was there…she knew and didn’t want to let go.
Perhaps this could go on for a long time. Very long. But time heals.
No, it doesn’t completely heal, but it gets better. That’s normal. That’s how it should be.
Even losing loved ones, dear ones, you have to move forward. It’s the fate of those who are left behind.
To remember…
To remember and carefully keep those memories filled with love and happiness.
Gradually the pain of loss dulled, and Sarah didn’t think about the cat every minute anymore. She didn’t even think about her every day. She only remembered occasionally. Usually when she took evening walks around her neighborhood.
And Cloud…She felt less and less of the “earthly pull.”
Just a little more time, and she’d be on the rainbow. From there, she could continue watching over her owner, rejoicing in all her achievements and sharing in her sorrows.
She would always be there. You just need to let go. These rules weren’t made by us, and they’re not ours to break. You just need to believe and…
…remember.
Everything else is in the hands of the heavens. They know best how it should be.
Sarah let go of Cloud, and she left without even saying goodbye. But it triggered a huge invisible wheel called “the cycle of things in nature.”
One day Sarah was sitting on the bench, enjoying the sight of the first star in the sky, when she heard a demanding mewling at her feet. Looking down, she saw a kitten.
White. With blue bead-like eyes and ginger speckles on its face.
She looked and couldn’t believe her eyes. No, of course, she knew this wasn’t her Cloud.
But this kitten looked so much like her when she was young.
Is it possible that the same cats could be born again?
“Or is it just a coincidence?” Sarah thought, taking the kitten in her arms, surprised again to realize it was a little girl.
Whether it happens or not, whether it’s a coincidence or not, no one really knows. But does it matter in the end?
Surely if this white kitten hadn’t had “freckles,” Sarah wouldn’t have noticed it? She would have!
In life, sooner or later everything repeats, and those who REMEMBER never walk past…
…what fate has in store for them.
And so, Sarah didn’t pass by.
She took the kitten home and gave her the same love she once gave to her cat.
She named this lovely little one Snowy.
Once again, the sounds of joy and happiness filled Sarah’s apartment.
And Cloud didn’t care what she was called: in her past life, she was Cloud, in this one—Snowy. Does it really matter? The important thing is that her dream had come true!
Now her beloved owner would again give her warmth and love as before, and she’d once more share a little piece of herself with her. This world is beautiful, and life is beautiful, too. The main thing is to remember…
