Twenty-five years ago, my husband left for another country. Stress and anxiety led to my cancer.
Hello. I hesitated for a long time before deciding to share my story, but perhaps someone will read it and reflect… Maybe someone will see their own situation, or others might avoid the mistakes I made.
I wish to remain anonymous, but I need advice—an outside perspective.
I married for love…
I was young and deeply in love with him. I was only 18, and he was 22. It was a pure and unquestionable love. We believed we could handle any challenge as long as we were together.
A year after our wedding, we welcomed a son. I was happy then… but it didn’t last long. Tough times began. Money was short, my maternity pay was meager, and his salary barely covered the bills. We lived modestly like many families, but he thought it wasn’t enough.
“I’ll go abroad. The pay is better. We’ll have a better life,” he said one day.
I begged him not to leave. I told him we could manage. Other families faced difficulties but stayed together. He wouldn’t listen.
And so, I was left alone with our child.
Years passed.
I hoped he’d return, but he didn’t want to. He claimed he could earn more abroad. Just a bit longer, he said, and everything would be fine.
I pleaded with him to stay. By then, I had a job too, and my parents helped with the child. We could live like everyone else… but he refused to come back.
We only had our one child. I wanted another. I dreamed of a big family, but he said, “We can’t afford it. It’s hard enough with one.”
Yet he didn’t want to be with the one child he had. He visited for a week or two and then left again.
I raised our son alone, attended his school meetings, sat by his bed when he was ill. I never told my husband about our child’s illnesses; I didn’t want to worry him… and he never asked.
He never came back…
Had he earned a fortune or if we lived in luxury, I might have said, “It was worth it.” But no. We barely had enough to live comfortably.
There were always debts—for the roof, the car, a new washing machine. Just like everyone else.
I repeatedly tried to make him understand that money isn’t everything. Our son needed a father, and I was exhausted… but he wouldn’t hear it.
He lived there. We lived here.
Years went by.
Twenty-five years passed.
He returned.
But not with savings, rather with debts.
I cleared part of his debts by selling my grandmother’s house. He thanked me, said he loved me, and that we’d finally be together.
But at what cost?
Too late…
You’d think everything was finally at peace. My husband was home, he didn’t drink or stray… You’d think I’d be pleased.
Yet, I felt suffocated in this house.
To keep the peace, I had to abandon myself.
I stopped seeing friends—he didn’t like them. He’d say he didn’t have friends, so I didn’t need them either. Though he never forbade it, his look made my desire to go out vanish.
I stopped wearing lovely clothes. He disliked bright outfits, makeup, or heels. He said it didn’t suit a woman at our age.
I no longer laughed, shared funny stories, or dreamed.
I merely existed. Worked. Cleaned. Cooked. Slept.
Once or twice a year, we took vacations. Of course, just the two of us. No friends, no groups. Because he didn’t like anyone.
And I endured. Everything.
But my body couldn’t take it…
This life—an endless routine, the pressure, the loneliness—it broke me.
I fell ill.
The diagnosis was dire. Cancer.
My world crumbled in a day.
I don’t know how much time I have left.
But I do know this: if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t live like this.
I wouldn’t let myself become a shadow.
I wouldn’t let a man dictate my life.
I wouldn’t give up on myself for the illusion of family.
Now it’s too late.
My son’s grown, living his own life. My parents are old, and I care for them as best I can.
And my husband… He says he loves me. He’ll stay by my side.
But that no longer brings me warmth.
I lived a life not of my choosing.
I was a loyal wife. Patient. Gentle. I waited for him. Loved him.
And he… He simply lived as he wanted.
If I could go back in time…
I’d choose myself.
But now I can only say this: don’t live as I did.
Don’t put yourself last.
Don’t lose yourself for relationships that don’t make you happy.
Life is too short to wait.
