You’ve got the wrong person; I’m not your bride.
And why are we doing this
This indeed happened, ending quite miserably for one lady, or rather, two.
It all began rather ordinarily.
Andrew’s parents had long wanted him to settle down. Consider it yourself – a charming young fellow, strong and healthy, working as an assembler at a defense company, earning a hefty income, and yet, still a bachelor.
He only handed over a small portion of his income to his parents, squandering the rest on entertainment and fine dining. Even buying a car wasn’t on his radar, although he could have saved enough for one in half a year, if not sooner. But why bother when you can cruise around in taxis? All in all, his life resembled something out of a fairy tale. In his leisure time, he’d eat and drink heartily, with no one having the right to nag him about it. Except his parents, of course, who insisted on doing so. That’s what parents are for, Andrew thought.
However, his mother and father had different ideas. After much consideration, they decided to take drastic measures.
They conspired with a woman named Hazel, who lived in the neighboring block and had a daughter similarly unattached. Following a discussion with Andrew’s parents, Hazel caught him on a narrow lane, luring him to her home under the pretense of needing help with a heavy bag.
Being kindhearted, Andrew agreed to assist. As a token of gratitude, Hazel sat him down at the kitchen table and poured him a glass of brandy. Everything seemed pleasant and jovial.
“We’re simple folk, Andrew,” she said, “We truly value kindness in others. We’d like to treat you for your readiness to help.”
Andrew didn’t refuse; after all, the woman was asking. He downed the drink, and she poured him another, to lift his spirits.
Just then, Hazel’s daughter, introducing herself as Lily, entered the kitchen. Andrew, surprised, smiled, unknowingly caught in a trap. Hazel invited him over the next day, supposedly for Lily’s birthday.
Warmed by the brandy, Andrew accepted without hesitation. After all, tomorrow was Saturday, an excellent day for a party. That night he partied so hard that he didn’t return home until the following morning. Monday came, and he went straight from their place to work.
That evening, arriving home, he told his parents, “I think I’ve got myself in quite a pickle… Seems I’ll have to get married.”
His mother and father sighed in relief and grinned widely.
Time flew by until the wedding. When you’re busy, days fly instead of march. There were so many tasks: booking a venue, tailoring the wedding suit and dress, locating the exact rings his bride fancied, and paying for wedding transport in advance.
Observing his money slipping away on vague expenditures, Andrew grew increasingly somber.
Sure, if he loved Lily, things might be different. Yet, his casual offhand comment in a tipsy state, teasingly claiming, “As a proper gentleman, I suppose I should marry…” had sealed his fate. Lily and her mother were adamant. Why should he suffer for a flippant remark?
Lily, on cloud nine, dropped another hint:
“Andrew, you’d better prepare for the bride price!”
“What?” he retorted. “Bride price? Let’s keep it simple. I’ll come to fetch you, we’ll hop into the car quietly, head to the registry.”
“No!” Lily insisted. “I want things just the way Mom says.”
“Oh, as Mom says…” Andrew muttered through clenched teeth, recalling their first meeting again, haunted by suspicion. He discerned their introduction was not fate but a meticulously planned scheme by Hazel.
Yet, the day came when Andrew, begrudgingly suited as the groom, headed off in a hired car to fetch his bride. Like an idiot, really, since the neighboring block was mere walking distance. Yet, custom dictated he arrive grandly.
Upon entering the building, as the fiancee’s companions surrounded him, demanding he pay a toll for each step leading to bliss.
Mentally spitting, Andrew handed over pre-changed cash, desperate to be free from them. The ceremony and looming lies at the registry office twisted his stomach with unease anew.
In his mind, he cursed everything while climbing the stairs, following the ceremonious pretense. The apartment’s open doors led him to five veiled brides standing before him.
One bridesmaid audaciously announced:
“Now the groom must guess his true love, Lily, from among these brides or pay a hefty fine for each error!”
“Another fine?” Andrew mumbled aloud, inciting laughter among the guests that pegged his comment on humor.
He stood, glaring at the brides, knowing there was little time left for retreat. The onlookers thought he inspected the masked brides, while internally, he searched for courage to do the right thing.
Deciding he would, Andrew confidently clasped the hand of the least Lily-looking bride according to stature and build, bellowing:
“Here’s my bride!”
He said it, leading her firmly toward the exit with urgency. The bride, taking this as a jest, giggled and hurried along. The crowd responded uproariously, chanting:
“The groom has erred! He owes ten thousand!”
Amidst the clamor, Andrew escaped with his unwitting companion, guiding her into the car.
“You have the wrong bride!” she suddenly realized, though surprisingly seated beside him. “I’m not your bride!”
“I know!” Andrew exclaimed, nervously instructing the driver, “Step on it! Let’s get out of here, fast!”
The vehicle glided forward, and she hastily uncovered her face.
“What are you doing?! You’ve made a mistake! Stop the car!”
“No mistake!” Andrew shook his head with determination, locking eyes on her with despair-filled eyes. “Not at all!”
At that moment, something unfathomable occurred. The lady, deciphering something deeply understandable in his glance, became calm and simply asked,
“Are you sure, Andrew, about what you’re doing?”
Andrew, eyes locked, nodded vehemently.
“So, you don’t love Lily then? At all?” she prompted.
“I ha-t-e her,” he whispered, emphasizing each syllable.
“So, where are we headed now?” she queried.
“Where?” The driver cast a puzzled glance back. “Aren’t we off to the registry office?”
“No, sir,” Andrew mournfully replied. “We’re definitely not heading there.”
“What?” The car halted sharply.
“Seems like I’ll have to hide… somewhere…” Andrew shared another understanding glance with his mysterious companion, drawing her supportive smile.
“Would you like me to hide you?” she offered.
“Hold it, lovebirds!” the driver interjected, “What’s this about not going to the registry office? I planned your route based on it!”
“Do not worry; we’ll pay you extra,” assured the stranger. “Just take us… here, instead.” She provided an address, and Andrew eagerly agreed: “Yes! We’ll pay double fare! Please, if family calls, spare us by not answering!”
An enormous scandal ensued. Andrew’s parents, alongside Hazel, even tried involving the police regarding the groom’s disappearance. But instead, officers laughed, advising them to appeal through television to reach the runaway groom.
For two weeks, Andrew was too petrified to return home, while Claire – as the girl who rescued him was named – became Lily’s friend-turned-enemy number one.
Within months, Andrew and Claire wed for love. After marriage, he matured, becoming a model and sober husband, eventually buying a car. Still, their new home needed to be well away from Hazel and her daughter.
