Twenty-five years ago, my husband left for another country The stress and worry gave me cancer.
Good day. Ive hesitated for a long time about sharing my storyperhaps someone will read it and reflect. Maybe someone will recognise themselves in it, or another will avoid the mistakes I made.
I wish to remain anonymous, but I need advice. Just another perspective.
I married for love
I was young when I fell for himbarely eighteen, while he was twenty-two. It was a deep, pure love, full of trust. We believed we could conquer anything, that nothing was too hard if we faced it together.
A year after the wedding, our son was born. I was happy then but not for long. Tough times came. Money was tightmy wages were small, his income barely covered the bills. We lived modestly, like many families, but my husband thought it wasnt enough.
*”Im going abroad. The pay is better therewell have a better life,”* he said one day.
I begged him not to go. Told him wed manage. Many couples weather hardships together. He wouldnt listen.
I was left alone with our child.
Years passed.
I kept hoping hed return, but he refused. Said hed earn more there. That just a little longer, and things would be fine for us.
I pleaded for him to stay. I had a job by then. My parents helped with our son. We couldve lived like everyone else But he wouldnt come back.
With one child, I longed for another, dreamed of a big family. But he said:
*”We cant afford it. Feeding one is hard enough.”*
Yet even with one, he wouldnt stay. Hed visit for a week or two, then leave again.
I raised our son aloneattended parent-teacher meetings, sat up with him nights when he was ill. I never told my husband when the boy was sickdidnt want to worry him and he never asked.
Still, he didnt return.
Had he earned a fortune, had we lived in luxury, I mightve said, *”It was worth it.”* But no. The money barely covered a normal life.
Yet there were loansfor the roof, the car, a new washing machine. Like everyone else.
I tried explainingmoney wasnt everything, our son needed his father, I was exhausted He didnt listen.
He lived there. We lived here.
Years rolled on.
Twenty-five years passed.
He came back.
Not with savings, but with debts.
I sold my grandmothers house to help pay them. He thanked me, said he loved me, that wed finally be together.
But at what cost?
Too late
Youd think Id rejoicehere he was, my long-awaited safe harbour. Home at last, no more wandering, no drinking, no restlessness
Yet suddenly, I found I couldnt breathe in that house.
To keep the peace, I had to erase myself.
I stopped seeing friendshe disliked them. Said since he had none, I didnt need any. He never forbade it, but the look in his eyes killed any desire to go.
I stopped dressing well. He hated bright clothes, makeup, high heels. Said they werent fitting for a woman our age.
I stopped laughing, stopped sharing funny stories, stopped dreaming.
I existed. Worked. Cleaned. Cooked. Slept.
Once or twice a year, wed take a holiday. Just us two. No friends, no company. Because he didnt like people.
And I endured it. All of it.
But my body couldnt
The drudgery, the constant tension, the lonelinessit crushed me.
I fell ill.
The diagnosis was brutal. Cancer.
My world shattered in an instant.
I dont know how much time I have left.
But I know thisif I could turn back time, I wouldnt live this way again.
Id never have let myself become a shadow.
Never let my husband dictate my life.
Never sacrificed myself for the illusion of family.
Now its too late.
My son is grown, with his own life. My parents are elderly, and I care for them as best I can.
And my husband He says he loves me. That hell be there.
But my heart doesnt stir anymore.
I didnt live the way I wanted.
I was a faithful wife. Patient. Gentle. I waited for him. Loved him.
And he He simply lived as he pleased.
If I could go back
Id choose myself.
Now, I can only say thisdont live as I did.
Dont put yourself last.
Dont lose yourself for a love that doesnt make you happy.
Lifes too short for waiting.
